Mike and Me - Wed, 6 Jul 2005

i know You are worried about Saturday night. i know You are scared about loosing control, about me loosing control, about me getting physically hurt to badly. i am worried too, but for a different reason. i am worried it won't happen. i am scared that i am thinking about it, letting the idea of it sit in my head and it not happening. i am scared that You will feel too sick, or too tired, or just too scared. i am scared of getting my hopes up like last night. Man that really bothered me. You telling me to wear a skirt so Thelma couldn't see the marks and then there were no marks at all. That was 4 times in a row that You have said we were going to play and nothing happened. Yes i enjoyed the spanking and belt later, but i was so looking forward to the other stuff that it really bothers me, that Saturday is being planned. The thought of the brutality of the scene, the intensity, is such a turn on. i am just so scared of getting so excited about it, of looking forward to it and then something, anything, going wrong and it not happening.