One day at a time

That is how i am feeling about this week, and getting back into the swing of things. i am taking it one day at a time.

Yesterday went well. i got all but 2 things on my list of "To Do" done. i ate all 3 meals, and had a snack. i took all my meds, on time. i did really good. Having a shower felt amazing. i should remember that.

Today is all about getting back into my routine. my swim suit is ready to go. i have a towel ready to go. i am actually looking forward to going back to waterfit. After swimming, i will be going to the used book store to take in some books, and to get some new ones. i really enjoy sitting out back and reading. i spent over an hour out there, doing just that yesterday. Other than that, today is all about eating right, and taking my meds when i should. Oh yeah, and figuring out what to make for dinner is also right up there.

So this is me, back on track.

Not ready for Today

Today is therapy day. i don't want to go. i didn't like how i was after therapy last week, and i don't want to feel like that again this week. So, i just don't want to go. i am hoping that going to waterfit this morning will help. i am hoping that getting that endorphine rush from the exercise will help me better cope later in the day.

i didn't go to waterfit last night as i had planned. i got a massive headache (re: migraine) with the pressure changes in the atmosphere. i had gone on Tuesday and on Wednesday. i am quite proud of that. i am definitly going today. i do not like that i missed going last night.

i am thinking of stopping at the doctor's today to weigh myself. i don't have an appointment with her this week, and was wondering how all this exercising is reacting with my body. i know that if i exercise to much, and don't eat enough calories, that my weight can go up (it goes into starvation mode). i am hoping i am having enough calories. i just want to see how the scale reflects what i am doing.

The MIT and i are having a Mommy and MIT weekend. Tomorrow He wants to watch the rest of the "Beverly Hills 90210" season He got for His birthday. That should take up quite a bit of time. i want to go to St. Jacobs, just because i haven't been there in a while. i also want to check out different stores around here to see if i can find the recliner i want for my reflexology, and avoid ordering online. Mostly, i want to find an event to take the MIT to, so we can enjoy some outside time together. Maybe the weather will agree with that, and maybe i can find something.

Man, i really don't want to go to therapy today. i don't want to visit my feelings and emotions. i don't want to (this is me whining like a 3 year old). Definitly waterfit is in order. i still don't want to feel anything. my body is still arguing with this choice. At least my house is clean because of it.

Therapy this morning

Yesterday i had a pretty good "To Do" list. i got only a few things on it done.

1. i went to aquafit....all by myself!!!!!!! i am so proud of myself in going. i am also going to miss not going today or tomorrow. i have actually started looking forward to it.

2. i got all my reflexology stuff in order, and did another foot procedure. i only have 57 procedures to do before my final practical exam. i still have to book my written midterm, and then later, my final midterm. i also still have to do my practical midterm (i can do that after another 17 procedures). i now "again" have a standing appointment with E every Wednesday night. i am going to soon be getting her to help me test. i am going to have her follow the procedure along and ask me questions, and even make sure i am doing all the stuff i am supposed to.

3. i slept in my bed last night. i did not sleep between the two big blue blankies. i slept under regular covers, like a normal person would. No more sleeping on the covers for me.

Today is my therapy day. i have to go today, since Friday is a holiday. i am not ready to do this today. Everything is so close to the surface, and i am trying so hard not to let it all explode out of me. There are just so many emotions coming, that i am holding back on, that if i let them explode, i am scared of being drowned in them. So, i block them. Hold them in and do things like not watch TV all day, just read, clean, and think of anything except what i am feeling.

Also today is the pot luck my family would go to. my whole family, including Mike. Tonight would also be our night alone together before He headed off to His other home. i am avoiding all of that by going to the Hamilton Munch tonight. The MIT will be going with my parents and Sis. Just not me. i just can't go and keep my emotions in check. Like i said, my emotions are all on the surface.

This weekend, i may have more plans than i thought. So far, i have a reflexology session planned (L is coming here). There is talk that there be more going on this weekend. i will see how it goes.

Well, time to get the MIT off to school. Right after that, i have to get all the garbage out. Then off to shower and get dressed, and leave for therapy. After that, i don't know how i will feel. i am thinking i will need a nap. Off i go

April 4th (cause i don't really have a title)

So it is day 5 of my week. So far, i have gone to aquafit 2 times, and am going again today. So far i have been out every day. So far i have had a shower every day. So far i have completed the To Do list of Monday. So far i have eaten well, and healthy every day. So far, i have "booked" 2 reflexology sessions for the coming week (plus i am doing one tonight).

So yeah, this is me proud of me.

i am seeing progress during aquafit. i am getting more flexible. my hamstring doesn't hurt as much. i am taking the aquafit seriously. Heck E and i hardly talk during it anymore. (look at me talking like i have been doing it forever) Last night i even looked forward to going.

i have decided that with my income tax i am going to get my chair for reflexology. i will be calling my teacher on Tuesday to set up a date for my midterm written exam. This is something i am going to make a go of. Yes there will be benefits for my friends, and i will be able to exchange services with different friends. That is only part of the reason why i am making a go of this. Mainly it is that i enjoy reflexology, and i know i am good at it, and improving every time i do it.

The MIT fell this morning. He now has a bump on His head, and a mark on His nose, and is hurting a bit. He is still going to school today (even though he doesn't want to), just with "badges" from this morning.

i am thinking i need a list today. i am feeling like there is more for me to do, than i thought.

So, today is the end of the week for me. i have today to finish up, but then i should be able to say, i had a really good week. Actually, i have had a good week. i tried to go to aquafit 2x, but only made it once. i went last night, since i hadn't gone on Mon or Wed. i have taken my pills all week, when i was supposed to. i have found stuff for breakfast (on the days i wasn't sick) that is light enough to not make me feel like i am actually eating a breakfast, but healthy enough to actually count. i have fit in lunch most days. That is still a difficult thing to do for me. Lunch and breakfast i am just not hungry. Water intake has been nil. i need to really work on that, since other things seem to be coming into order. i know, one habbit at a time. Do one thing for 6 weeks and then add something new. That way the good habbits are developped and stuck to easier.

Today is also a trip to the doctor's and a trip to therapy. At the doctor's, it is just the usual weigh in and then blood pressure, and discussion on if anything else is going on with my body that shouldn't be. We will see what my weight is. i think i have gained. i have got to stop doing that. i am not feeling healthy with all this weight back on. At therapy, i don't know what will happen. i will have to just follow Sandy's lead and see where it all goes.

The MIT has had a couple ok days this week. Wednesday and Thursday He walked in with His wheelchair. No need for me to wheel Him in. That is an improvement. He still lost muscles at school, but recovered quickly enough to not need His chair the entire day. i also got a note from His PT yesterday saying that it looks like He will be getting a laptop for school work. i will have to call and find out more about that. It would really help Him with His school work. Not having to write everything is going to be a big bonus.

Now about my reflexology. i have plenty of people to work on. i just have to find times where i can actually do my thing. Weekends seem good for most people. i just wish my fingers were strong enough to do more than 1-2 people in a couple of hours. i also have to plan when i am going to do them and where i am going to do them. It isn't very fair of me to make people come to my place, but i am set up here in a way that i won't hurt my back. Other places, i have to make it up as i go along. This is important to me though, so i need to get my ass in gear. i have to contact people and set up appointments and follow threw with them. i think that will be a goal of mine this coming week.

So, goals for this coming week
Shower at least 4 times
Get dressed at least 4 times
Go out at least 4 times (includes just spending 1 hour outside in back yard or such)
Eat when scheduled to do so
Take all meds when scheduled to do so
Go to aquafit at least 2 times
Setup 4 reflexology sessions for the next week
Moisturize 2 times each day

Good goals. Ones i can work on, and take control of. i also need to stop worrying if i seem to sad on this thing. If that is what i am feeling, and it gets a little depressed around here, oh well. If that is how i am feeling, then that is what will go on in here.

Well, i guess that is all for right now. Off to get the MIT ready for school and out the door.

i am in enough pain today, that a beating would feel like a massage. It is all because of what the MIT calls "evil deadly yucky ice". i slipped while wheeling the MIT into the house, and landed flat on my ass again, while trying to still hold on to the wheelchair. Standing up was just wrong. After i finally got the MIT into the house, i immediately took my pain killers for the pulled hamstring, and a couple muscle relaxants. The MIT ended up covering me with a blanket, and getting me pillows. He took care of the computer while i headed into shock and fell asleep. my Sis came over and checked me all over. i didn't ache so much until after the pain killers let go of me. Since then, i find my wrist has been aching from a slightly sprained, along with the middle finger on the right hand. my left knee is popping again. my hamstring pull has been aggravated. i feel like a walking wounded.

Now that the complaining has finished, time for some smiles

E, D, and i went to aquafit and the free swim after it. It was fun. We have all signed up for a monthly pass. That means actually going at least 2 times a week, and no getting out of it.

Sis brought over more pictures from the trip to be added to the ones i already have on the computer. Once i have them all, i will be asking friends and family if they want a CD with all the pictures on it. i think i will also print them all out and do up a scrap book of our trip. i still have one of the key cards to our hotel room. i have ticket stubs. i think a scrap book will be nice. i will also be sending off a copy of the CD and a "report" about our trip to the Make-a-Wish foundation.

The MIT has started to do more and more math at school. He is doing really good at what they have set up for Him to learn. He is even starting to work on money. Maybe i will be able to let Him handle money again. We shall see. An allowance may soon be in order.

Well, it is time to get my butt in gear. Well, as quickly as it can really move. i have to take the garbage out and make the MIT His lunch to take to school, and basically get moving. Later all

Tonight is another munch night

Before i talk about tonight, i figured i would fill in what happened yesterday.

So E and i did get our health cards done. That took a lot shorter amount of time than we both thought. We then went and did Aquafit. Yes we did. i had tried to warn her about what she would see, what type of people would be there. i think i did a good job. She did come out of the "class" as feeling younger and healthier. So did i. Yes i made a couple bad jokes (name that melanoma, identify that mole, do your boobs hang lower than hers). Nothing more than i would do when i was younger and taking such a class when the MIT was a baby. There were more men there than either of us thought there would be. At least we felt like very young at the end of it all. Both of us had a reaction to the chlorine in the pool. mine was redish, itchy skin. Hers was blotchy red skin. No showering there for us. We will go to our own homes to shower off the offending chemical. i know i felt much better after i had a shower.

i didn't end up going to E's when the nurse was here. i should have, but i had a bunch of government papers to deal with. They are all done, so i don't really have to worry about it today. Speaking of today, it is going to be a pretty easy day for me. A little grocery shopping, maybe look for a new bra. Other than that, take it easy and wait for tonight.

Tonight is the Hamilton munch. i am not looking forward to it. i don't think E is either. Maybe P will be able to make it tonight. If so, it could be more fun. E and i together can only cause so much trouble. Add in P's sarcastic sense of humour and it can be much more fun. i still worry about running into certain people, and not being able to be strong if i see them. i know i am stronger than i was a few months ago.

The memories of Mike are much easier to deal with. i can feel joy when i speak of His quirks. i can laugh at some of the stuff that He would do. my thoughts don't go so much to the missing Him as much. That makes me feel guilty. Part of me thinks it is ok to miss Him less, but then i feel like i am forgetting Him. i am not ready to forget Him.

Ok, lots of thoughts that i don't really need this morning. Time for some smiles.

• The MIT is doing well in math and i am not having to hear how much He hates it.
• The MIT let Himself in after school yesterday and came to tell me He was home. (i was sleeping)
• i have loads of pictures from the trip to get printed. i don't know if i will be doing it myself, or if i will be taking the disk someplace to get them printed. i also don't know if i want to put them online in my flicker account. i will have to think on that one.
• i am feeling better today, and feel like i have more energy this morning. Could it be a side effect of the aquafit yesterday? Who knows.
• i am still struggling about being submissive to anyone. i am not ready to go looking for a relationship. i feel stuck as far as that goes. Yes i am craving to serve, and craving to feel a cane on my ass, and craving to be cut. i just don't know how to get it.

Well, i guess that is all today. i hope everyone has a good Thursday.