Feeling Blah

So, we survived the wedding. The MIT did great as the ring bearer. He remembered when He was supposed to talk. He didn't loose a side until after the ceremony (it was close, and He was worried, but it all worked out). He didn't complain to much about His picture being taken. It was a great ceremony. my favourite parts were when L said Her vows, and when D surprised the girls with their own rings. It made almost everyone cry. It was beautiful, simple, and exactly like them. It was an honour to be there, and to have the MIT a part of it.

This week is weird. i have nothing scheduled. It is like a week off for me. It is what the first week of school should have been like, but wasn't. The MIT hasn't argued with me about going to school yet. We still have last year's schedule. Sure it is a struggle to get up at 5:30 in the morning, but the half hour by myself, and then the half hour playing with the MIT and trying to get Him out of bed is worth it. It is nice i still have a cuddler. Every morning between 6 and 6:30 is spent cuddling with Him in bed, poking at Him and trying to get Him moving. It is a very special time for us.

It was hard explaining to the resource teacher about the MIT's prognosis. i had to do the same with the people at karate. The instructors at karate have really seen how much the MIT is loosing. They see that He has less balance, that He is requiring more help with one side gone, and that even though He is progressing socially and maturing, He is loosing skills He used to have. i am still grasping with His prognosis. The idea that He has reached His peak physically, and is falling backwards so quickly.

On Friday, Sandy and i talked about how i feel guilty that i no longer think about Mike each day. That there are more days in a row where i just don't talk to Him, or mention Him, or even think about how my life is different without Him. There are more and more days like that. The guilt is because part of me feels like i should be missing Him more. Then comes the feeling of loss. The feeling like i am missing feeling the grieving process. It is like i am missing feeling so bad. Weird. We are going to talk more about that soon. Apparently we are going to talk about my alcohol usage next visit. LOL. Drinking more than i normally do, 2 times a year, and we need to talk about it. That should be interesting.

Well, today is going to be another quiet day. Friday the MIT goes to Rygel again. Yes i will have 2 nights off again this weekend. Then 2 weekends after that, the MIT will be leaving for Australia. i have already made some plans. One of which is to visit where Mike is buried. i wonder how that will feel. i am going to take a picture of the MIT and i with me to put at His grave site. i need to do that for sure.