Sun, 22 Jan 2006

i am suddenly very cold inside. i am past the point of caring, i think. i keep reading entries and email we have made over the last few years, and keep coming up with the same issues as never being resolved for more than a few weeks, and then things going down hill again. Issues we still have - communication (me doing all the talking about how i feel and getting nothing back from You. You keeping secrets) - me feeling insecure - play not changing - You wanting to explore Your submissive side, without consideration on to how it makes me feel, since it isn't a problem in Your head. - feeling like You don't respect me - not playing often (or at all) in private - secrets i am just so very cold inside right now. i am at the point of not caring what happens. i don't care if You still want to be with me. i don't care if You are mad at me. i don't care if You say You want me. i don't care if You say You need me. i don't care that You hurt me again. Heck, i don't even care enough to make You hurt like i am hurting. It is like i am done. It is like i have nothing else to give and i can't keep going in these circles. It is like there is no future in this because we can't get passed all the same old crap. It is like i have nothing left to give to You. i feel so calm about this right now. Maybe it really is over.