Sun, 9 Apr 2006

it will be 5 years ago this week that i took your collar. The one you offered to me. The one you promised would be forever. You have blocked me out of your life again. Your emails are no longer open to me. Your photos are no longer open to me. I shouldn't be suprised. i am not with you anymore, so i have no right to them. Yes you say i am your lover and that is the place in your life for me, but it isn't really being a part of your life. It is being there for you to fuck. It is being there for you to top when you want. It is being there for you to talk to when you want. It is being there for you to use my login for the spec. It is being there to be sad and alone on a Saturday night and a Sunday during a race. That is all it is. It means nothing. God i can't do this anymore. i can't keep crying over you. i can't keep hurting because of you. i saw that you are finally reading the Ethical Slut. You know, that book i gave you a year ago for you to read. A book i thought would be good for you to read to help us. A year ago. And now, now that we are not together, you are finally getting down to reading it. More proof that i'm not worth anything. Not even worth the time to read a fucking book for. How many more ways will you continue to prove just how worthless i really am, and how worthless our relationship was to you?