First week of no school

So, this week has gone pretty well.

i have made a good breakfast for the MIT each morning, and have made Him dinner on nights when it is my responsibility. i cleaned out the MIT's room, and it suits Him so much better now. No "baby" toys. Mostly books and a clean floor. i did leave the shelf of stuffed things but that was more for me than for Him. i cleaned out the hallway closet. i have kept up on dishes every day. i have cleaned my room. i have cleaned the living room. i think i am at a point with the housework where i can just do little things to maintain it all summer.

i have also gotten the MIT out of the house at least once every day this week. He isn't really playing with anyone, but He is going out and getting fresh air. i am making plans on getting us to do some walking so that His butt doesn't grow to much this summer. Well, also my butt.

my contacting and interacting with friends isn't going so well. Heck, i am hardly on the computer much right now. i am also doing more listening to music, rather than watch TV. Mainly i am studying for my exam next week. i know that is an excuse. i could be putting myself out more, by calling and emailing, and talking to my friends. i just can't find a way to make myself do it right now. i still love them all, i am just not able to pull myself out of my head right now.

It is therapy day again today. i know we will be talking about how i am neglecting relationships right now. i know we will be talking about the fact that i may be avoiding my feelings with all the cleaning. That is how Sandy works. That is how i work. It is also a problem, as far as i am concerned. i know, if it is that much of a problem, why don't i do something about it. The fact is, i just don't know right now. i just don't understand it. i just can't find that place inside myself right now. i need to find it again. i am just way to lonely right now. i know it is all my doing. i just don't know how to get past it.

i feel like i am letting everyone down. i feel like i am no longer worth it. i feel like i am so lost. i feel stuck. Just so very stuck.