Wow!!

i went to a play party on Saturday. It was the same one i went to 2 months ago. This time i went with someone. PM. She came to my house before the party. We had dinner together, and we talked about what would happen when we played. We talked about safe words, how we were going to communicate while we played. We went to my toy closet and we picked out a few toys for that night. We got dressed together. i took her picture in her leathers. Then we headed out.

i had been nervous before she arrived. Hell, i was nervous on the way there. This was going to be a real scene. This was going to be serious play. The last time that happened was with L, and that was in private. 2 months ago, it was not really a scene, but more a trial. This was going to be in public, with multiple toys, and with someone that wanted to play with me, and that i wanted to play with, and had wanted it for a long time.

We arrived and got settled into a spot. i went around and visited with some people. i went out for a couple smokes (with permission). Eventually it was time for the two of us to play. She had gotten possession of the cross. She came to get me.

She had me kneel in front of her, and reminded me of what we had talked about. She reminded me that we were going to have fun, and just go with the flow, and that if i had a problem, to do what we had discussed. She then had me stand up and take off what i was wearing. i threw it on the ground. Then i got the look and the "excuse Me?" She apologized for not letting me know that when she gets playing, she really gets into Dom mode. i picked it up, and i put it where she said, then she attached me to the cross. God it went well. She ramped me up and down. There was thuddy, there was stingy, there was harsh and there was soft. i got the giggles. i dropped. i orgasmed. i giggled more. i cried.

She let me cry. She held me and let me feel it. She didn't push me after that. She took me down and had me kiss her feet. We actually ended with that. It was the perfect ending. i helped her clean up and i went out for a smoke.

That was when i felt close to Mike again. i could smell His cologne. i thought it was my imagination. i smelled it again. It made me smile. i swear i could then feel His hand over my mouth and nose, just like He would do after a scene, taking my breath away. i tried to press into His hand, but it wasn't there. i could feel His other hand rub my arm, and His chest behind me, holding me up. i know it sounds weird, but that was how it felt.

It all felt so right. The evening, the play, the after stuff. It all felt like it should have. i felt at home again. i felt like me again. Not the "mommy" me. Not the closed off me. i felt like the me i was 2 years ago. The me that wasn't afraid of letting go. The me that wasn't closed off to submitting again. The me that new who and what i am.

i'm not so scared to be me again. i know He would be proud of me. i know that He would want me to feel this way again. i know that it is all ok now. i know i don't have to be single forever.