Catching up a bit (day 40)

Not much has really been going on, but i do have a few good things that have happened.

The MIT is going to be testing for His new belt on August 9th. Yes, He has actually been asking to test, and is going for it. i am so proud of Him. Every time He goes to karate, He looses one side, or more. It is a struggle for Him. He is having fewer and fewer good days. He asked to be tested in the middle of His class the one day, and the beginning of the class the other. That was the only way His body was able to complete the process. i am glad He is more Himself again. He hasn't talked about hurting Himself for a while. He is taking compliments more. It is nice to see the change in Him.

i have a "date" for camp. i volunteered to help with one demo and am now helping with two. Plus, the Guy who is doing the presentations is going to be hanging out with me for most of the weekend. Things have gotten a little weird about one thing, and i have to confront it. i have to say to Him that i do not want to top that weekend. It is a weekend for me to be me. Not the me someone wants me to be, but who i am. So far we have communicated well. i guess i will see how it goes when we talk about the topping thing. At least i know i will get cut, and sutured (something i haven't had done before). That part is going to be really fun.

That guy i met from online, well, that is over. i doubt i will ever hear from him again. It is ok. i didn't really feel a connection with him. When i do get into a relationship, i want that connection. i want those sparks, i want to be bowled over. i will find it again. i am not worried.

i haven't heard from L&D since the birthday. Even before that, the MIT and i had emailed them, and never heard anything back. i have left 2 messages in two weeks, and nothing. Add to that, the fact i know L has been in town at least once since i last saw here, and i am getting pissed. For some reason, it is ok for L&D to ignore me, but not ok if i was to ignore them. i have even left a message saying that we need to talk, and nothing. my first reaction is to think i did something wrong again, but nope, i am not going there. i know in my heart i have done nothing wrong. i don't understand how one day L can say she doesn't want things to change between us, but then the next, i hear nothing from them. Not even when they are in town. Nothing. i am past feeling jealous. i am up to feeling under appreciated and angry. Add to that the fact that L has my sewing machine, and i am needing it to make myself something to wear at camp, because i don't know if She has done what She said She would do. i don't know if She has made me a few stollis or not. Even then, i also want at least one tunic. It would make packing so much easier. i just don't know what to do with them. i call, i email, i hear nothing. It is all rather frustrating.

P&E can't seem to catch a break. K's surgery went well, and they were able to breath again. That was until P had the car accident, and now Salem may have cancer. They just can't catch a break. i wish i had the power to make it so nothing bad would happen to them, for about a year. That way they could get caught up with bills, breath and enjoy each other, breath and enjoy an entire year. They deserve it. They deserve that kind of break.

i am worried about the fact that i haven't had a period since April. The doctor did an internal, and is sending me for an ultra sound. She didn't say anything about the internal. i guess i wait for the ultra sound. i am feeling a little better emotionally also. i think it is because i am letting myself cry when it comes up. i am catching up on sleep while i can. Yesterday was full of sleep. So much, that i didn't sleep all night. i woke-up at 10:30 pm, and stayed awake until 11:30 this morning. Since then, i napped from 11:30 until 2:00. i will lie down again in about 1/2 hour so i can be awake tonight.

Well that is it.