Proud moments (day 16 of summer vacation)

Yesterday was therapy day. i walked in panicky and hyper. i had so much i wanted and needed to say. my speech was quick. Some would describe it as manic. i didn't. Sandy sat and listened.

i told her how proud i was of myself for things i have done over the last couple of weeks. i told her about telling someone how i had been feeling. No beating around the bush. Straight out saying how i felt, and waited for the repercussions. (There was no repercussions other than us both telling the other how we felt, sorry was said, hugs were given, everything is good.) i told about how my neighbour has chosen me as her confidant, and trusts me in some of her secrets and in helping her when she needs it. (Ok, a bit of me being to trusting and giving of myself too. i can admit that.) i told of dealing with the bank, and getting money back that they had taken out and shouldn't have. i told of meeting Atlas and how i felt a connection with him. (He really is a great dog. Great enough that i realize how much i miss having a dog to talk to and walk. i really hate being allergic to them.) i spoke and spoke and spoke. Then Sandy cried.

We, then, talked about her role. How for her, seeing me being proud of myself, and giving myself little "yeah me" times and that such times were coming more and more. We talked about how she is proud of me, and i asked her if she does "yeah me" times. i even gave her a "yeah Sandy". Then i got anxious that she was saying we don't need to see each other anymore. i said as much and she gave me a "yeah wendy". We discussed how i still have a lot of things to work through. i made it pretty emphatic that i was not ready to go. We talked about the constant concern that i will kill myself. (Yes it is still a constant concern.) We talked about how special she sees me. We talked about how i didn't see it myself.

Today i am more proud of myself. i installed a programmable thermostat in my house. There was no way VP would do that. i need a way to save on my hydro bill. i is all programmed and all installed by myself. Here, take a look....

Isn't it pretty? Isn't it great? i love it. i love that i can program it so the air doesn't come on to early. i love it.

Ok, that is all for now. Back to watching a movie.