Yesterday was very tough. The nurse called 911 because TJ was showing different seizure activity. I actually cried when the first responders (FD) showed up. I was scared because TJ just wasn't right. We spent the day at the hospital. Mom and Dad took TJ home with them.
I came home and had planned on going for a walk with Charlie (who had been locked up in his crate once 911 was called). I had planned on then going to bed. It didn't happen. I needed more. I needed to feel comforted. I needed to not feel. So I ordered in food and ate and ate.
That means today, I get to start filling in a behaviour chain. It is not supposed to be a punishment. It is to be a learning tool. To learn why I made the decission that I did, and how to make it easier not to make the same decision next time. So, now I am learning why I needed to eat so much to make me feel better.
I know why. I wanted comfort. I wanted to feel over full instead of sad and guilty and scared and out of control over the entire hospital visit. I wanted to escape from feeling for a while. So, that is what I did.
As to how not to do it again next time, I have no idea right now. I am not doing it tonight, and I really want to. I want to order in KFC and just binge on all that fat and hot stuff for the night.
No comments:
Post a Comment