Bouncing

Different emotions over the couple of days.  Ups and downs.  Panic and calm.  Crying and not crying.  my emotions seem to be all over the place.

Thursday night, E and her kids came over and we decorated the living room for Oktoberfest.  It looks really cool, but it doesn't feel finished to me.  i know it is the perfectionist in me, so i am trying to let it go. 

Yesterday (Friday) was a difficult but not that bad of a day.  i woke-up and wished Mike a happy anniversary (it would have been 7 years since we met).  Then i looked at my "to do list".  i started to feel overwhelmed, but calmed myself down and got everything i had control over, finished. 

• i got the MIT off to school


• i packed the MIT's bag for a sleep over at my Mom's


• i packed my school bag


• i packed my "need for later" bag


• i got to school on time


• i went to St. Joe's for my therapy


• i stopped at my place to check my bank account and pickup a coat (it was really cold out)


• i went to E's and got ready to go to a porn night


• i found E's son


• i drove E and i to Toronto


• we all went to see the porn show, found the lineup to large and decided on a movie and food instead


• i drove E and i home


• i actually went to be right after getting home

i didn't let the size of my list get to me.  Today, we (my friends) are having an Oktoberfest party.  i am finding it difficult not to get overwhelmed by the size of my "to do" list today.  So far, so good.  i am mainly concentrating on those things i feel i really need to get done, rather the impression my house will give off.  i am going to be concentrating on

• going out and getting some diet pepsi and stuff


• making the MIT's room tidy


• vacuuming the house


• making sure the bathroom is clean


• doing the dishes


• shower and shave!!!!

Anything else, isn't a "have to" it is just a "would like to".  So by concentrating on what i feel i need to get done (just so i feel comfortable with people in my house), i am limiting the amount of pressure i am putting on myself.  It seems to be working so far.  i still have less than 3 hours before people are coming over, but i can do a lot in 3 hours. 

So, here's to keeping things in perspective and to keeping my mind on what is happening now, and not worrying about what will happen when everyone comes over.

i am feeling mighty proud of myself right now.

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