So i was sitting here, thinking everything was good, and a panic attack started. i have no idea why, but it happened. i did my deep breathing. i did my self talk. None of it really helped, so i decided to distract myself.
i found my old recipe for apple crisp. i haven't made it in years. i have been buying apple crisp from Zarky's. Today i decided that peeling apples might be zen like. So out i went, hyperventilating the whole time, and bought apples and those disposable baking pans. i bought enough apples for at least 3, maybe 4 batches. i bought chocolate chips for cookie making. i bought stewing beef for what i am making for dinner.
One batch is done and cooling. Yes, i already tried it and it is better than the one i buy. The second is in the oven. i should have also gotten ice cream, but i didn't. It would have gone nicely with the warm apple crisp.
The panic sensation hasn't left, but now i have apple crisp. i still feel like i need to jump out of my skin. my breathing is ragged, but if i concentrate, i can calm it down. my hands are shaking, and my leg won't stop bouncing. i am ok. i know i am ok. i don't want to take meds when i can find other ways to manage. i am hoping another batch will help. 3 batches of apple crisp. i wonder if it freezes well. i wonder if i should take some to my Mom's for Thanksgiving tomorrow.
i just want the shaking and breathing things to stop.
Powered by Qumana
No comments:
Post a Comment