A friend read over this place from my head and mentioned that it seemed so sad. It is. i feel comfortable here to express all the nasty, dark, depressive things that enter my head here. Happy thoughts are in my head. There have been a lot of them lately. i think it is time i get used to expressing those here too.
MIT - man is He enjoying school. He loves it. He doesn't come home angry at all. He hardly fights me in the morning. The only difficulty in the morning is about waking up and Him wanting "5 more minutes Mom". Once that little routine is over, everything runs smoothly. Uniforms rock. No arguments about what He is going to wear. No worrying about if it will fit or not. He has 2 main outfits He likes, and one more that is for special occasions. Mornings rock now. After school, He is hungry (lunch is really early for Him) and gets a snack. After that, is homework (with no arguing at all) and karate on certain days. He is doing really well. i am really proud of Him.
Reflexology - i am into week 4 of my reflexology course. Only 8 more classes to go. i am enjoying it. Sure the definitions of certain disabilities or illnesses are really general, but i can live with that. i am finding that i am relaxing into the foot procedure really easily. i find my hands flowing nicely from one reflex to the next. i have lots of volunteers to practice on, and will get to continue using them for my practicum once i have the entire foot procedure down pat. i got to practice on Saturday. i did my procedure on 2 8 year olds and my two friends L&D. i even get to practice again tonight on E. The MIT won't let me near His feet. That is ok. i have enough different feet available.
Life in general - yes i have bad days. That is apparent in most of my entries. But there are many, many good days. Days where i can push the depression further back. Days i can see the joy in the sun shining. Days i can see being able to wake up tomorrow and feel ok.
i have been baking more. It is something i haven't done in a long time, and am finding pleasure in it. i am cooking dinners more often. i can't afford to order in anymore, so i am finding ways around that.
i have great friends around me. i have fallen back to those i have known the longest, who have seen me threw good and bad times. They have been very supportive and help me feel like i matter to this world. They listen and they don't mince words when i need to hear the truth. They are also there to let me be me.
Friday i go to St. Joe's again, and visit with the social worker. i have to visit with her before i get to meet with the actual doctor. Not looking forward to it. my head and stomach hurt after the last appointment.
i don't have class this week. my teacher is moving this weekend, so she needs the day for packing and stuff.
Next weekend i get to go to a live porn show L Friday, and then everyone will be here for Octoberfest on Saturday. Now that will be fun. Sure it would be nice to have been able to go to Kitchener for the festivities, but this way, everyone is around and we can drink when and what we want, play music that we want, and even watch movies if we want. i am really looking forward to it. my Mom is even taking the MIT for the entire weekend.
Looking forward to things is new. i am not dreading stuff as much. That is a good thing. Yes i am still grieving, but i am also moving forward. i am finding stuff that interests me. i am finding ways to open up about my issues (including those about the MIT). i am looking at other ways to get respite. i am doing housework when i have the energy. i am excited about the reflexology course. i look forward to the MIT coming home after school.
i think the next thing i will be looking into is pottery, or sculpting. i know there is stuff i want to make out of clay, and the feel of the clay in my hands. i know i want to make what i paint, and not just paint things that are pre-made. i also want to get back into sewing. i have a great machine, but haven't used it in years. It would be nice to make stuff that i wear. i also want to get back into knitting. i have at least one project, that has been promised to one special guy, that has not been touched in months.
Ideas for Christmas gifts are coming at me. Yes it is hard knowing that i don't need to find one for Mike. i still come up with ideas for Him, but then realize...well, you know. For others, i am doing really well with the ideas. i just have to actually sit down and do them.
So, that is all for now in this more pleasant post. There are still some nice and happy things that have happened that i want to keep to myself. Those may or may not come to light here, but they are definitely in my head and memory and full of goodness. Please bare with me.
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