Looking to the positive

Things feel like they are going better. i guess i am feeling better also. i have been taking my medication when i am supposed to. 6:30, 12:00, 5:00, and 9:30. i am taking all of them and not missing any. i am also taking my puffers when i am supposed to, and not over using them. my cough feels better, and my voice is coming back to normal. i even got to do 2 reflexology treatments last night.

i haven't heard anything from either the President Choice Charities people (wheelchair van) or the Make-a-Wish people (meeting Mike Myers). i hope to hear from them soon. This waiting sucks. Even with the waiting, good things seem to be happening.

The MIT is getting confirmed (Anglican style) on the 28th. This is something He really wants to do. He has been taking the confirmation classes for a bit, and is enjoying them. He has true faith. He doesn't question why bad things happen, or why God would do something like take a life. He gets mad at God at times, but still believes with His whole heart that there is God and Jesus was God's son. It is nice to see that He believes in something so fully. That isn't to say He puts down other beliefs. He understands and has interest in the Jewish faith. i have introduced Him to the Pagan faith. His next interest is Islam. He even attends a Catholic High School. It is like He wants to understand them all, and get a sense of them all, but He still believes in Christianity. He is a really cool kid that way. i really got to enjoy Him again, during the Christmas vacation time. i hope i can say the same in another week, when He is off for exams.

For me, well, today puts me back on a normally scheduled event. i get to clean today! No, not my house. i hate cleaning my house. i get to clean L&D's place today. i am also going to get to do a reflexology treatment on at least L.

So, i may be fighting it with almost everything i have, but life seems to be going forward. i still need to get on with life here at home. Yes the tree is down, but all the decorations are either still up, or sitting on my kitchen table. i need to put that stuff away. i also need to start taking care of myself in other ways. i haven't shaved in forever. my pits are hairy, and so are my legs and other areas. my feet are dry and scaly. my skin is all dry and needs looking after. i haven't put makeup on in forever. My dress feels sloppy and unkempt because i just don't seem to care. i need to start taking care of myself that way. Yes, the nasty part of my brain keeps speaking up, and reminds me that i have no one to do it for, but i do. i have myself to do it for.

i am also starting to crave again. Crave giving myself over to Another. Crave following direction. Crave pain and release. Crave being under someone's thumb. i have the desire, the craving, but that nasty part of my brain keeps speaking up about how it hasn't been long enough. That i would be pushing myself too soon. i don't know about all that, just that i am craving again.

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