Fri, 9 Jun 2006

You lied more. You lied in Your journal. You lied when You told me and Sherry what was going on. You lied about not knowing why You needed to move things so quickly. You lied with the reason Dr. Miller called You into his office. i read the report. The CT that was taken in April, was compared to the one taken in August. The one that was taken AFTER surgery, and AFTER checmo and AFTER radiation. There was no barium in your system when the August CT was taken. It was read perfectly. There were lesions on Your liver. There were lesions on Your diaphram. There were lesions on the lymphnodes in Your abdomen. There was cancer everywhere. You were diagnosed as stage 3 after those CT's. They were scheduling You for biopsies at the end of May, not another CT. They were scheduling You for more investigation. This all explains stuff like You not dieting. You knew You were loosing weight again, and why You would be loosing more without changing what You were eating. You were wanting to fit so much more into Your life right now, because You knew You would have to start fighting with Your body again. You getting so angry that i showed up at the hospital the day that CT was read. You had hoped to put it in the back of Your head and not tell me, or anyone, the results. Why did You think You would have to go through all that alone? Why did You think i wouldn't want to know and would be there no matter what? Why did You have to hide it all? i know that the cancer didn't kill You. i know You didn't kill Yourself. So what was it that gave out? What was it that quit in Your body to take You away from me so soon after we were working so well together again? Why did You leave without taking care of the damned mouse? (yes the mouse is back). Why did You leave at all? Why does Bev say that You and i weren't what we once were anymore? What was it You told her? You told me You didn't tell her about the loosing of the collar, that as far as she knew everything was normal. Is it just her assumption that because Sherry is in Your life that she thought i was no longer there with You? Was it not really You that told her stuff but Aaron and Lore that did? Did they give Bev access to Your journal and did she read it in a way that made her feel better? Why does she have such a hate on for TJ? Why did she have to send me that bloody email about how TJ was not Your blood? When are You going to wake me up and answer all these questions??????