i sit here and read other people's journals/blogs/diaries, and i am getting frustrated. i read stuff from acquaintances. Read how they perceive things in others and all i want to do is scream "what you hate the most in others is what you hate the most about you!".
One example. Someone i am acquainted to has decided that she doesn't like how someone keeps changing plans on her. How she doesn't like how someone makes a commitment to something, and then just changes their mind, without telling her, and how it is like they are letting down society. That they don't see how their actions affect other people. How they are selfish in their desire to do what ever it is they want, without consulting her. This is the pot calling the kettle black. She does the exact same thing all the time. Like the time she decided it would be ok to just rest her boob on someone's head, without asking and without thinking how it might make the other person (or even those around him) feel. This is the same woman who makes commitments to be places, but then changes her mind, and doesn't even let anyone know. This is the same woman that took it upon herself to do "what she thought was right" with some of Mike's things, but didn't think how it would affect me or my son. Hellooooo! Maybe if she were to stop doing the exact same thing, others around her might follow by example. But then again, that would mean she would have to look past her own nose and see how her actions affect others. Arrrrg!
Then there is the thing i have been keeping all bottled up inside for a very long time. See i have a friend (and i do consider her a friend, as she and i have been friends for a long time and i feel able to confide in her) that tends to only call when she needs something. Calls on the day of a munch to see if she can get a ride. Calls to see how i am doing to then ask if i can driver her someplace. Calls to talk about how rough it is going to be to take her kids to the doctor or something so that i can volunteer to drive. Calls for her son's reports to be printed yet never volunteers to pay for new ink for me. Drives are always free for her. i have yet to be given gas money. Calls about how frustrated she is that someone hasn't removed stuff from her house that belongs to them, yet has stuff here since October, and has yet to pick it up, and expects me to bring it to her.
Most of the time i feel taken advantage of. i know i can be nice, and i know i have it in me to do stuff for people because i want them to like me, but i am getting sick of it. i am getting sick of not putting value to my time or energy with her, and her taking advantage of the fact that i am yet able to do it consistently.
So, in my oh so passive aggressive way, i have stopped contacting her. i have stopped calling "just because". i have avoided talking to her, in the hopes that she will find value in my friendship and in what i can give her, and in what she gives me. i don't think it is working. Instead it has become about how no one likes her, and how no one calls her, and how she is worried everyone is mad at her.
And the attitude isn't just affecting me, but other friends of mine. i am fighting the urge to "fix it all" by having a get-together with all involved in the hopes that everyone can reconnect and feel at ease again. i just know it isn't my job, and i am not going to let myself get sucked in to that kind of feeling. It is not for me fix it. It is not all my fault. So, i just wait. Wait for her to call me or any of our other friends. Wait for her to decide she is worthy of calling others and asking for help, but not counting on me/us to bail her out and let her off the hook.
i am just getting so frustrated, and don't know how to deal with it.
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