Tonight is the munch and the cookie swap. i am finding myself feeling not all that happy about having to go. i have to be "on" tonight. i have to be social. i have to be organized. i will have no time to be depressed or out of sorts. i have to divide up cookies between 12 different participants. i just don't feel like being "on" tonight. i don't want to be all cheerful. i don't want to be the one that HAS to be there. i should have thought of all this before planning on doing my "normal". i don't want to go in the shower and pretty myself up. i don't want to dress festive. i don't want to be the one to introduce people all around.
What i do want is to stay home. i want to curl up and stay in my pajamas. i want to ignore everyone and everything. i just want to hide right now. Instead, i am going to be having my Mom pick me and the MIT up, drive them both down to my Nana's. After that, head back up the mountain and pick up E and her kids, then drive the kids down to D's. Then E and i head to Toronto for the munch. That is when i have to be "on". That is when i have to put on a happy face and be social. After the munch, i will be driving E back to D's to get the kids, then drop E and the kids of at her place, then finally head home to bed.
Tomorrow, will be different. Tomorrow i have school again. i get to do a full procedure again on someone. It will count towards the 70 i have to do. i haven't been very good at doing foot procedures. i had thought by this point to have triple what i have now. Anyways, it doesn't matter.
i will get my 70 done. i will have my shower as soon as the MIT gets home from school. i will do all the driving. i will listen to music that E likes. i will be social and "on" for the munch. i will divide up all the cookies, and i will wear a smile on my face while i do it. i just really wish Mike was going to be there tonight. i am really missing Him today.
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