Remembering what i promised myself.

Each year i review what promises i made to myself, and see if i was able to accomplish them. Then, in another post, i put my new promises to myself. i don't know how i feel about all this right now, but sticking with tradition is important to me. Here is my review of last year's promises.

i will wake-up and go out the door every morning. Yes, i did do this, with thanks to E. She had me driving her to school each morning, so it was possible. Well, it was until she was done with school. Since then, nope.

i will continue to lose weight and maybe reach my "under 200 lbs by Christmas" goal. NOPE. NOT. Didn't do.

i will let go of trying to make the relationship with Master the way i want, and let Him guide me to where He wants this to go. i did do this. i did for a bit. Then we broke-up. But when we got back together, i did do this. i did this for well over 2 months. Right up until the day He died

i will not use my basement as a storage locker for empty boxes and junk. Definitly have accomplished this. my basement was cleaned out last summer, and has stayed just about as clean as it was then.

i will accept help from others when it is offered. i have had to learn to do this. It is still a struggle, but i think i have improved. i know i have to keep working on this.

i will not order french fries with any meals, but have a salad instead. Yeah, ok, sure.

i will reach out to those that have offered their hand to me, even if i don't feel worthy. i have had to learn to do this more and more. i know i have to keep working on this. i am feeling more and more unworthy as time keeps going, as my emotions keep going up and down.

So that is the end of the review. i don't know how i feel right now about the upcoming change in numbers. i don't know if i can think of anything i want to accomplish in a year. i am having trouble seeing infront of me. The idea that the new year is supposed to be filled with hope, while i feel so hopeless is physically hurting me. Maybe i won't make any promises to myself this year. Maybe i just can't this year.