A Jumble of thoughts

There has been good going on here. Good is nice. i just can't seem to concentrate on the good. my head is full of the bad.

i can't see past the 31st. i can't see a year without Him. i can't see ringing in the new year without that call from Him. i can't see being alone, without Him. i can't face being alone, without Him.

i know logically that i am not alone. i have friends and family. i have people around me that care. But truth be told, they are all couples. They all have someone. They have someone they can be sexual with. They have someone they can be themselves around. They have someone that shares, on a daily basis, the good and the bad that happens in their life. i don't have that someone for me.

i don't have someone that i can call and ask to bring home extra milk. i don't have someone that will give me a hug when they walk in the door because they know that it was a hard day for me. i don't have that someone to sleep next to. i don't have that someone that i can cuddle up to and feel safe in their arms all night long. In this sense, i am alone. i am truly alone.

These are the thoughts that are tormenting me. The thoughts that pull me back, into my bed to hide. The thoughts that pull me deeper into a dark space. The thoughts that keep me up at night.

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