Stiff and sore and thinking

As i watch the snow slowly fall, all i can think about is the pain in my legs, back and shoulders, my stuffy nose, and my sore throat. The other thing i think about is why.

i am sad and angry for my friends. They are having to deal with something they shouldn't have to. But they are doing amazing through it all. They are both being strong. They have each other's backs. They hug each other and listen to each other, and they are going to make it threw. i just know it.

Through this, i can sort of see what it was like when B had to clean out Mike's place, after His death. i can see how picking and choosing what to keep can be so hard. i can see how her anger towards me played a part in it. i can see how "getting it right" might have played into her having to pick and choose so much. Yes i would have liked to have been included, but i also see now how having someone else there, talking about what they would have wanted, would have been so hard. Only now am i starting to go though some of the stuff Mike left here. She only had a day to do it all. And it was His birthday. At least i have a lifetime.

i guess what i am saying is, by watching my friends deal with this terrible time, i have begone to forgive B. i have a better understanding as to how she would have felt if i had been there. i do not forgive her for the way she treated me, or for the words exchanged, but i do understand better, how she would have felt that day.