dreading tomorrow

So tomorrow is the anniversary of Mike's death. i have a therapy appointment in the morning, but after that, i am left to my own to face the day. i have actually come up with a bit of a plan. Some of it came from my therapist's suggestion. Some of it has come from my old pagan rituals. Some has come from looking stuff up on the web. Basically, tomorrow, i am going to say good-bye to Mike in my own way.

i am going to let myself feel all the feelings i have pent up. i have created a ritual that signifies something very special to me. It is going to be a long ritual. It is my chance to say good-bye, and say thank you and say how angry i am, and say how much i wish He was actually here. It will involve burning things that represent who Mike was to me, and even who He was to some others. It will involve me writting Him a letter, of my feelings and burning. It will involve some alcohol, but not much. It will involve His favourite cookies, but not many. It will involve me saying goodbye, and keeping what is left as a way to remember Him, without to much clutter.

i am actually content with what i have chosen to do. i am content in the knowledge that i am doing this for the right reasons, and even know that after the ritual, i will still be grieving, and will still hurt, and will hopefully feel more free to experience those feelings.

Here are some pictures of how i have started to remember this day.