Pride in myself

i did it. i went to the event last night. i didn't show up right at the beginning, but i did go. i made myself have my shower. i made myself get dressed. After that, i enjoyed putting on some makeup. i enjoyed figuring out what coat to wear that would cover parts of me. i even took pictures of myself in the mirror before i left. (note to self. Those types of pictures never come out properly).

When i arrived, it was different. A new venue is always interesting. This one was cozy. Small, and full of people. It reminded me of the venue we used to use way back when. The bar tenders were fun. The one girl was really turned on near the end of the night. The people were mainly those that i like. Those that don't do the bunny fur, or soft floggers. Most were using canes, needles, single tails. There were screamers. There was no concern about noise. The music was great (smiles and waves). A song was even played just for me. i really did enjoy myself. i am glad i went.

The only problem i really had was i actually got horny. Not the have to orgasm kind of horny, but the make me bleed and hurt and orgasm kind of horny. P told me to go home and take care of it. i actually told Him it wouldn't help. i don't think i have ever really said no to Him before. It was true though. i was just wanting the type of "sex" that included extreme pain to take me to that place. i haven't felt that kind of horny in a very long time. i enjoyed feeling that way, and making myself suffer over it.

Again, i am glad i went. i am glad i ignored my "blah" feelings and took control of myself and went. In the past, i would have gone grudgingly, and blamed the person "making" me go. This time, i was happy with myself for pushing past the urge to just stay home and went to an event, and enjoyed myself.

i feel really proud.