Monday, September 05, 2005

Mike and Me - Mon, 5 Sep 2005

i cried all the way home. i am so mad at You right now. It isn't often i ask for Your support in something. It isn't often i ask You to come up on a day You normally wouldn't. It isn't often i ask more than once for something. i did tonight. i asked for You to come up tonight and make sure i got to bed at a reasonable hour. i asked You to just come up tonight and ignore tomorrow morning. i asked and i asked and i gave ideas when You said i would just get up after You went to sleep. All i got was NO i get that this is a D/s relationship, but i thought it was more than that. i thought part of us was supporting each other. You know, like me being at the hospital with You when You have Your chemo, or listening when You talk about stuff. i thought, maybe, You would actually support me in something when i asked. It wasn't like i was hoping You would read my mind. i asked more than once. Nope, You couldn't do it. You couldn't put Your feelings away this once and just support me in something. You just wouldn't do it. i am so mad right now. i am so sad right now. i am wondering when You became so selfish that You only care about what is important to You and don't give a flying f*** about how i feel. When did it happen? When did Your feelings become more important than anyone else's? When did You stop hearing me and supporting me? When did i stop mattering? i really need You here tonight. i really need You to hold me in Your arms and tell me it will all work out and make sure i go to sleep at a reasonable time. i really need You to just be here for me. i really need You to just be here in the morning so i have someone to cry with once TJ goes to school. i really need You to just be here and hold me as i cry because i am sending Him to a place He doesn't want to go. i just really need You. But instead, You said no. You said no to being here for me. You decided that You wanted to be at Your place and let me deal with this on my own, when i really need Your support. This really sucks

Entered: Tuesday, 6 September 2005 - 07:16 EDT
Name: me
Comment: Sweetie I do care