Well, so much for me trying to rekindle stuff from the past. Yes that was what i was trying to do. Trying to bring us back to the days when we would talk late on the phone, and make each other come just by the sounds of our breathing. i had also hoped it would take some of Your worry away about the CT scan. Help You sleep a bit maybe. It is funny how bad i am feeling about it now. About trying to initiate something and hearing You play a game in the background. Guess it serves me right for trying to initiate again. Every time i do, i don't seem to get it right. i also get that You need some bottoming time. Maybe You could convince someone to do it next week? i think it is important that You get that release. i know how much You need it, and from Your comment the other day, how much You want it. i am sorry i can't give it to You. i wish i was able to serve You in that way without it doing damage to our relationship. oh well. i guess i should try to get some sleep. i miss You. i need You.
Entered: Wednesday, 31 August 2005 - 11:44 EDT
Comment: Hi sweetie. I enjoyed listening to you cum the other day and I enjoyed the fact that you called. I really did. Unfortunate for me is the fact that I have tried to play with myself that way and I don't get hard. I even tried the vibrator and it did not work. Last night worked well and I really enjoyed it. I want to get back to playing online and on the phone as well with you. I do enjoy it and it will come. I can see that. Just need the time I guess. For me to get my head there. Love you Very muchYour Master
Monday, August 29, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Thank You for talking me down from the photo copy issue. i am glad i didn't wait until tomorrow night to do it, like i had first planned. Thank You for admitting You can sometimes get jealous. For the longest time i thought there was something wrong with me for being jealous of what You did. Now i know it is normal, and we just need to talk it out. We need to keep letting each other know when we are feeling insecure and figure out how to make each other feel better. i do have a problem. i feel i should be punished. Punished for hurting Your relationship with Bev. Punished for starting smoking. Punished for hating Your chemo treatments. Punished for hating You when You were sick. i know it isn't up to me to decide if i need punishment, but i need some sort of absolution. i can't seem to find it in me to forgive myself, and i keep thinking You are mad at me for all of the above. i know that is where part of the "make me" is coming from. i also know that i do want to give over more control to You, and i know that it may be difficult for You to do it. i am asking that when You have figured out what You don't want control over, to please let me know, so i don't keep expecting it to happen again and again. i really do need to hear You say You want me, and need me. i know it can be irritating to You to have to keep reasuring me. i have felt for the last few months that i had no place in Your life. i guess i am just needing the reminders that You realy do want me, and there is a place for me. Also, thank You for Click. He is sleeping now, and i am sure he will wake me in the morning begging for food, along with TJ. i love You.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Wow. Once again You get to escape what is happening. i wish i could be You. i wish when things aren't going just the way i want them to, i can just get up and leave. No actually dealing with the situation. No actually finding solutions. Either go home or send TJ to his room and ignore him. No interaction, no playing, no trying to connect with him. Just let wendy deal with it and go home. So what if wendy is nervous about today, just go home. So what if wendy is worried about what will happen once she gets home, just go home. So what if wendy would like time with You and TJ together without a problem, without an argument, just go home. You saying You were going to pick up Your stuff, and then heading back is bull. You could pick up Your stuff on Your way out. You could have picked up Your stuff last night. All it feels like is an excuse to go home. i try to give You lots of space. Heck i have even slept on the couch the last 2 nights. You used to sleep with me. Every night, all night. Even when i snored. i am at the point of wondering why You even bother to sleep here anymore. You have yet to watch a full episode of Big Brother with TJ and i. Yes You watched one with us, but that has been all. Only one. So that "family" time is gone. You say things like "we" like "us". What You really mean is "wendy" or "you". i am a full package. i am not just a single woman with no worries and no baggage. i am a Mom. i have a child. You used to want to be a part of both of our lives. It is beginning to feel more and more like that isn't the case.