Saturday, July 30, 2005

Mike and Me - Sat, 30 Jul 2005

i am mad at You tonight. We had talked about how You called Bev every day to let her know how You were feeling when You weren't with her. i asked why You didn't call me and You said You could start. You are away this weekend. Yes You called me last night when You got to Kingston, and i thank You for that. i needed that. i needed to know You were ok. i haven't heard from You today. Nothing. No email. No phone call. No contact to let me know how You were doing. i get Bev deserves to know how You are doing because she is Your wife and You love her and she loves You. What i don't get is why i don't deserve the same treatment and consideration. Ok, maybe You forgot saying it. Maybe You forgot saying You would call me when You were away. All i know is i am angry. i feel like i should call You, but then i would be interupting Your time with Bev. Your time with Bev is small enough. She deserves to have that time without interuption. i am just sad and angry and missing You.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Mike and Me - Fri, 29 Jul 2005

This morning really bothered me. Yes i put it in my email, but it is important, so i thought i would put it here also, so there is a more permanent record of my concerns. Why did You try to send me back to bed when i have to get up, check my sugars, eat, and email You? i was already an hour late taking my antibiotic. Plus with that med, i HAVE to eat. If i don't check my blood sugars, You get upset with me, and if i don't send You an email i get told about it. On top of all that, i do have to get up this morning. i have to get a shower, get ready for TJ getting up, and eventually go to the doctor's. i get that You would have liked me to sleep in, but i just can't do that. Especially if You want me to keep up on my meds and blood sugars and emails. So what was i supposed to do this morning, after saying to You "why don't You head back to bed", when You told me to go back to bed? Which command overrides the other command? What should my answer have been? i am doing my best to follow the rules, and yes i know it is an issue when You are in town. Could this not add to that issue? If i hadn't sat at the computer and got it done, could i have been in trouble for not sending the email to You? Could i have been in trouble for missing a blood sugar? How important are these rules to You? (daily emails, blood sugars at least 3 times a day) If it isn't that important, then why am i trying so hard to do it and why am i getting punishment strokes for it? Mixed messages are not helpful. They confuse me and make me uncomfortable and unsure. i do not want to be blamed for not being submissive enough to be used against me like it has in the passed. It feels like You are setting me up, making it so i make a mistake and then use it as an excuse for punishment later. i don't like thinking that. i get You were probubly concerned about me getting enough sleep, and that You were perterbed about me disturbing You. But still, it really pissed me off this morning

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Mike and Me - Sat, 23 Jul 2005

how can i explain to you and get you to understand how tiring it is being "on" all the time. When you are done work, you get to leave there and go to your place to concentrate on the computer and do only stuff you want. You get to excape TJ and go down to your place when you feel overwhelmed by it all. You can almost always escape to find a quiet peace without much work. Heck, you can even escape work by going to lunch. Even right now, you are at your place, picking up your laundry. You are also online, escaping from being with me and TJ. i don't get that luxery. When i am done work, i get to come down to your place and anticipate what you want/need/will do. When i want to escape from TJ, i can't. i have to work hard to find the time to get the quiet. i have to find someone to care for TJ. i have to be comfortable enough with that person that i don't feel like i am always oncall. i have to make sure that whatever it is i do, i will be ontime for when my quiet time is over. Even then, i usually have stuff that has to get done. Laundry, groceries, cleaning...something is always there that i have to do, because i am a mom and i am wendy. i am tired alot, i know that. i just need to know how i am supposed to get untired? When exactly will i get the time to get untired? i don't have that option. When i go to my room, when it is only TJ and i, TJ will always want something. It could be a glass of juice or pop, or it could be food, or it could be that he wants cuddles. When you are here and i go to my room, you need the reasurance that i am ok. i go outside, and someone has to follow me, or i have to be ready to answer the phone or come in when someone wants my attention. Even going to the bathroom means i will have to answer if i am ok when i come out. So again i ask. When am i supposed to get untired?

Friday, July 22, 2005

Mike and Me - Fri, 22 Jul 2005

was upset when you originally wouldn't go to see Beth with me, but i am very glad you did. i saw the way you were with TJ tonight and i was impressed. i don't know what will happen tomorrow, but what ever does happen, i know we can handle it together.

i am also enjoying the spontanious bits of play going on. i have missed this playful side of you. Yes i am dreading next week, because i know the chemo is hard on your body, but thank you for this week. Thank you for staying here this weekend, and thank you for giving some of you back to me. Maybe i will earn the rest of You back soon.

i so want to be able to call you Master again, but i do think we need to do alot of talking about what putting the collar on means to us both. i think i had some high expectations of what a collar ment to me, and i think they may have been different to your expectations. But i guess that talk will come when we are both ready for it. i love You Sir

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Mike and Me - Thu, 14 Jul 2005

WEll, i haven't written here in a while, but that is for a couple of reasons. 1st : since you asked about putting in comments, and i changed that option so you could, you havn't. Heck, i doubt you have even read anything since then. 2nd : some of the stuff i would write, would probubly make you upset. i know that shouldn't stop me, i guess, but it has.

Entered: Wednesday, 20 July 2005 - 08:50 EDT
Name: Mike
Comment: Hi sweetie. I know I have been neglecting this but I'll try and keep up on it. I know you have things that you want to say that might upset me and I think I know some of them. I hope this week has been better so far. I know its only beed 3 days into the week but I enjoyed Monday night and I know I enjoyed last night. Love you very much.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Mike and Me - Wed, 6 Jul 2005

i know You are worried about Saturday night. i know You are scared about loosing control, about me loosing control, about me getting physically hurt to badly. i am worried too, but for a different reason. i am worried it won't happen. i am scared that i am thinking about it, letting the idea of it sit in my head and it not happening. i am scared that You will feel too sick, or too tired, or just too scared. i am scared of getting my hopes up like last night. Man that really bothered me. You telling me to wear a skirt so Thelma couldn't see the marks and then there were no marks at all. That was 4 times in a row that You have said we were going to play and nothing happened. Yes i enjoyed the spanking and belt later, but i was so looking forward to the other stuff that it really bothers me, that Saturday is being planned. The thought of the brutality of the scene, the intensity, is such a turn on. i am just so scared of getting so excited about it, of looking forward to it and then something, anything, going wrong and it not happening.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Mike and Me - Tue, 5 Jul 2005

i am putting this under assignment since You have told me to write it down. yes last night, i used my egg, the minty stuff on my clit, clothes pegs on my nipples and the silver vibrating dildo to bring myself to orgasm so i could possibly go to sleep. The entire time, i "pretended" i was following orders. That You were there telling me what to do, how to do it, when to do it. You had me kneel to and press the dildo inside my ass, not caring if it hurt or felt good. You had me turn it on so i could feel it vibrate. You told me to put the gel on my clit, to make it burn and full of blood. You had me put the egg against my clit. You had me lay on my stomach, pressing the clothes pegs into my breasts. You had me put a blanket through my legs, pulling on it to make sure the vibrator stayed in my ass, and added pressure to my clit. Duriing all this, i had vissions of You fucking me and pressing the vibrator into my ass. i only came once. Well, the gushy kind anyways. It didn't work at putting me to sleep. Nothing seemed to work last night. Anyways, i now have on a long black skirt since Mom has agreed to watch TJ until nurse Thelma gets here, and i can come down to your place. Love You

Monday, July 04, 2005

Mike and Me - Mon, 4 Jul 2005

Mood: d'oh
Topic: How i feel

Your comment about Bridget wanting/offering to sit at the hospital with You really hurt my feelings. You know i would be there if i could. You know if i didn't have TJ for the summer i would be there in a heart beat. It felt like You were throwing Her desire to be with You in my face. i have been trying not to write this all day. i have been trying to look at it as a slip of the tounge, that you ment nothing by it. This is probubly the truth, but it doesn't change how it hurt me. i am really getting tired of having to ask you to think about how such comments would hurt me. How would you feel if you had to work and Peter had the day off, and i had to be at the hospital and He offered to be there for me? i know when i see You tonight that you will brush off her offer as meaning nothing. That you will brush off saying it to me as meaning nothing, and that if it was the other way around it wouldn't bother you. That all just makes it worse since it means my feelings are irrational. That my feelings don't count. For someone You are not thinking of playing with, for someone that doesn't have any interest in You, You sure bring up her name alot right now.

Mood: blue
Topic: How i feel

i need to say this too You, but i don't want what i say to change how You are doing things. i want You sleeping here all the time right now. i want to make sure YOu aren't sick. i want to make sure You don't get sick. i want to make sure You can do what needs to be done during the day, and lean on me if needed. i know, i am sounding like Your Mom or even Bev. i just worry about You alot right now, and having You here means i can make sure You are ok. Plus i miss being with You, and even lying beside You seems like alot right now. Anyways, that is just how i feel. Please don't make changes to what You need to do right now. You need to do what makes You happy and what will keep You going right now. Just remember i love You and will do whatever You need from me, including letting You sleep at Your place.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Mike and Me - Fri, 1 Jul 2005

Mood: amorous
Topic: Assignments

Once TJ leaves, i am to bring myself to orgasm 5 times before midnight. No more. No less. No using a pillow, but a blanket or towel.

it is now 11:10, and i have completed my assignment. 5 orgasms. No more. No less.

i put the egg against my clit, a towel between my legs. i laid on my stomach and turned it on.

i imagined You standing above me, watching me, talking to me. You were telling me i was a good girl, that You liked to watch me come. You kept nudging me with the toe of Your boot, egging me on. You called me slut, and asked me if i liked it. i imagined You taking the control away from me, and turning it up and down to Your whim. The orgasm wouldn't come soon enough for You. You started to pinch at me and almost kick me. You kicked my thighs, my arms. You brushed Your boot to my face and had me lick it. my back arched and i asked if Your slut could come. You said yes.

i pressed my hips hard into the floor. The towel pressing up into my crotch, pretending it was Your boot. my legs kept tightening, and more images flashed through my head.

You didn't turn it off, but You had me get to my hands and knees, and rubbed Your boot into my crotch with my body grasping at Your leg. Your toes rubbing the egg harder against my clit. You were able to reach my face and slapped my cheek. One side and then the other. Then You brought Your hand down to my mouth and i pressed into it. Riding Your boot, You cut off my oxygen, and told me to come.

i held my own breath, pressing my face into my pillow so TJ couldn't hear me. i waiting for the next wave of vibration to run through me and my mind drifted to You again.

Still having me rub myself against Your boot, You feeling the vibration of the egg through the leather, You started whipping my back. i held on to Your leg and ground my face into the crotch of Your pants. You kept calling me a slut, Your slut, Your horny slut. i kept saying Yes Sir to each comment, holding on to You with all i had. Each strike of the whip hitting my back or ass, stinging and sending a firey pain through me. You ordered me to undo Your zipper and i pulled Your cock out of Your pants. You ordered me to suck You. You swong the whip with one hand and grabbed the back of my head with the other. You pulled my face into You, making me gag on Your cock. i gaged and sucked, riding Your boot and the egg, and heard You tell me to come

my body started to argue with me, so i turned over, placing the towel under me, and laid down with my knees up.

You ordered me onto my back. You wanted to abuse my tits and stomach and thighs. You whipped at them, pinched them, marked them. All the while You told me what kind of slut i was. You told me i was Your slut, to do with as You pleased. You told me that if You wanted, You would have me come for You all night. i pinched at my own nipples. Pulling on them and stretching them. You slashed at my thighs, my groans meaning nothing to You as i wiggled, finally telling me to come again.

i rolled back onto my stomach, needing the extra pressure to get me to the last orgasm.

You ordered me onto my hands and knees. You told me it was time for You to enjoy Your slut, to feel the vibration of the toy run from me into Your balls. i was wet as You pushed into me. You told me to fuck You, that You didn't want to do any of the work. i pressed myself into You as far as i could. i kept one hand on the egg to make sure it didn't fall out. You told me to be still, and then You rammed Yourself in and out of me. You groaned that i was Your slut, that only You could give me this pleasure. i agreed saying i was Your slut, and only Your slut. i asked to come, repeating it over and over. You poked a finger in my ass, and pumped it into me at the same rythm as You rode me. i nearly screamed, trying to keep the orgasm at bay. When You were ready to come, and only then, You said Yes slut, come for Me

So that is what went through my head as i brought myself to orgasm 5 times. No more, no less. The towel is now in the laundry. i will be putting in the first load before Thelma gets here.