Pain returns

The pain has moved again. It is in my head and neck. It is so bad, i went to the hospital yesterday. The doctor there decided it was muscular. Great. i am now on pain killers and muscle relaxers. The doctor did set up a type of ultrasound for me to have today. It is to see if i have any clots in my legs and groin. i go back to my doctor tomorrow.

i am at the mercy of my Mom, Dad, and Sister, because i can't drive on all the meds, and because the pain is so bad. i definitely can't drive. i have a hard enough time just moving around the house. Then there is thinking. i can hardly think with all the pain in my head.

All i keep thinking about is how to get past the pain and actually get on with my life. i don't want to let this pain control me. i don't like sleeping most of the time, and not being able to move, and not being able to fee like i can do anything.

God i am complaining so much. Time to go and lie down until my Mom comes to get me for the ultra sound.

Boring day

i am starting to see a pattern on my To Do lists. The last few tasks seem to go by the wayside. Oh well. i will figure it out. Beyond that, i was very good yesterday. Ate all my meals, and took all my meds. Go me.

Today is all about the MIT. i get to take Him to His therapist. i get to fill out forms about Him. The forms should take a whole lot of time. That i am not looking forward to. Filling out forms means i have to concentrate on all the "bad" things about the MIT. i don't get to brag about all the good stuff. Oh well, it has to be done.

This evening i am going to go to water fit again. i was ok with it yesterday. my arm was hard to move around. i couldn't really work my shoulder or upper arm. At least my leg didn't hurt. That is a bonus.

Ok, time to eat breakfast, and get the MIT ready for the hospital.

April 23

1. put used books into van
2. Go to water fit
3. go to used book store
4. go to Fortinos
5. come home
6. have lunch
7. clean out flower boxes
8. remove flower box closest to door

To be updated frequently

One day at a time

That is how i am feeling about this week, and getting back into the swing of things. i am taking it one day at a time.

Yesterday went well. i got all but 2 things on my list of "To Do" done. i ate all 3 meals, and had a snack. i took all my meds, on time. i did really good. Having a shower felt amazing. i should remember that.

Today is all about getting back into my routine. my swim suit is ready to go. i have a towel ready to go. i am actually looking forward to going back to waterfit. After swimming, i will be going to the used book store to take in some books, and to get some new ones. i really enjoy sitting out back and reading. i spent over an hour out there, doing just that yesterday. Other than that, today is all about eating right, and taking my meds when i should. Oh yeah, and figuring out what to make for dinner is also right up there.

So this is me, back on track.

April 22nd

1. Bring up chair for out front
2. take cooler and ladder downstairs
3. take lamp and christmas tote downstairs
4. shower and dress
5. go to Walmart
6. go to Chapters
7. go to Fortinos
8. come home
9. clean patio table and chairs
10. empty patio flower boxes
11. remove one patio flower box

To be updated frequently throughout the day

Living with It

So, the pain is still in-behind my shoulder blade. It doesn't look like it is leaving any time soon. So i have made a decision. i am going back to normal. i am going to try to reach my goals. i am going back to waterfit. i am going back to my life, and pretend the pain isn't there. i am doing all of this because i don't like how i feel right now. i feel fat, and lazy. i fell like a blob. i need to get moving again, and just deal. Last week was too much laying around and doing nothing. This week will be different. i will be going back to my life.

Part of the reason for this change in attitude, is i tried on some of my summer clothes from last year. Yeah, not a pretty sight. The other reason, was that i did sweep off my patio yesterday, and liked doing something physical again. i need to get back in control of moving around. i need, and want, to do more moving. i need, and want. to follow the goals i set for myself each week. i need, and want, to feel somewhat normal again.

This morning i woke up to the sound of a woodpecker. It is back. i have missed it. Years ago, when i first moved in here, there was a nice woodpecker that lived in a tree near my unit. The sound of it looking for food was so loud. The constant "tap-tap-tap" would drive me nuts, or bring me to a smile. From the sounds of this new woodpecker, it is in a tree fairly close, but not close enough to drive me insane. i love this time of year, when the trees all come back to life. When the birds are happy and chirping away. When i can open my blinds and have sun shine into my living room and warm me. When the nights have a slight chill. i love this time of year. Today will be spent doing more on the patio. No dressing it up with flowers yet. It isn't warm enough just yet. Instead i will be cleaning out the flower boxes of last year, and thinking about what to put in them this year. i also will be thinking about what changes i want to make this year. What i want to add, and what i want to take away.

So that is where i am. i am living with the sound of the woodpecker. i am living with the pain and working around it. i am living and moving and fulfilling my responsibilities.

Pain and Progress

This week has been hard. No goals met. Too much pain to really do anything with. One thing that did come out of the pain, is i could not "control" my feelings as easily. i had bursts of crying and bursts of anger. Memories came flooding back. A lot of crying before falling asleep. i want this past week back.

Today i am feeling better. i guess. The pain behind my shoulder is still there. i loose sensation in my arm easily if i move the wrong way. i am not so scared by the pain anymore. i am not so worried about it being something scary. The doctor did great with the right combination of meds to control it. i just get so sleepy on it.

The MIT has been great with me. He has been taking care of me. He has been following the rules as best as possible. Bad news is that He is getting more and more incontinent. He has come home from school, in His change of clothes 3 times in the last 7 days. Last night He lost His temper and beat Himself. He was punching His leg, and then lost total control and started biting Himself. He hasn't done that in a long time. It feels like He is going backwards so much lately. Then again, it could just be me seeing things i usually wouldn't notice. It could very well be that i am so fixated on the idea of Him going backwards, that i am making more of what is going on with Him than i need to.

Pain update

Suffice it to say, it has been a weird week. i have been to the doctor's 2 times, have had x-rays, and can now actually feel the pain in my hamstring again. What that means, is the mysterious moving pain no longer overpowers the other pain. i still hurt. It is now in my back (kind of behind my left shoulder blade). The doctor has no clue what it is. At least today i feel like i can function mentally. The doctor said to call her of any changes (including if the pain leaves). i have crap on my lungs and need to take more deep breaths.

Other than all that, i am great. LOL.

NOT a good day

Yes i know it is only 6:25 in the morning, but it is already not a good day. It all started Saturday night, with a sever pain in my calf. OK, i thought it was a cramp. Or a cramp waiting to happen. i rubbed it so much, i have removed some of the skin from my calf. Then it travelled. i don't know when it happened, but it moved into my thigh. The front of my thigh. It really really hurt. It wasn't the pain from the pulled hamstring. That is in the back of my thigh. This was in the front and it was making it hard to walk. Then it moved again. The pain slowly crawled up my thigh to my hip. What i mean by crawled, is it left where it was, and the pain focus actually moved. It still hurts this morning. It is so bad, that no pain killer i have in the house will touch it. The pain is so bad. On top of that, my leg keeps tingling. i can't find a comfortable position. i was kept up most of the night by this. It freakin' hurts.

i have to call the doctor. This pain sucks. At least it hasn't moved again. i have to change all my plans for the day, just to see the doctor. Heck, that will also mean driving, and i don't know if i can with this pain. Damn it. i hate this kind of pain.

Can't settle yet

So, another post in only a few minutes. This is more of an update post than anything else.

i got my chair today. It isn't the "perfect" chair that i wanted, but it is close. It was also on sale from Home Outfitters. That alone made it worth it. Maybe one day i will be able to afford the "perfect" chair, but until then, this chair will work.

The Perfect Chair

My chair

So, now i am feeling more confident about doing reflexology on other people. i know i can just take my chair and have my clients be in the right position for their treatments. i know i can have them in the right position, and not hurt my back while i am doing the treatment. i know all this will help make it easier on my hands and arms to make it easier to do a complete treatment without worrying about pain.

This has definitely motivated me. i am going to start making calls tomorrow.

Going Backwards

That is the name of one of my new labels. It is all about the MIT. i am seeing things that are showing me how His body is changing against Him. i need to document it. i am going to do it here.

The newest backwards, is He is loosing His pincher grasp. It is one of the main development milestones that children go through. It is when they change from grasping things with their full hand, curling around the object into a fist, to being able to pick up things between their finger and thumb.

The first time i noticed it was a week ago. i thought it was a fluke. He had a couple of really bad days, and i thought this was all leftover from that. i can't ignore it as just because of an episode.

Today He physically was fine. He had full control of all His muscles. His body wasn't fighting against Him. Yet, He couldn't pickup a grape between His finger and thumb. He couldn't pick up a piece of paper between His finger and thumb. He was doing the full hand thing. He is loosing this milestone.

i don't know what it means, beyond that. i can't think of it meaning anything other than that. To think that way will change the way i act with Him. i know, because i did it before, when He was much younger. i let Him get away with things, i wouldn't normally have with a "normal" child His age. i don't want to start doing that again. i also don't want to set up situations where He will get frustrated. That isn't fair to Him. Instead i will sit back, and just watch, and enjoy Him. If i see something else happening, i will document it. Other than that, there isn't much more i can do.

Goals for April 14-20

i haven't set goals for this week. i guess today is a good day to do that. First a review of last week's goals.

1. Have 5 showers this week (Did ok with this. Didn't do 5 times, but did do 4)
2. Get dressed 5 times this week (Did great with this, mainly thanks to going to waterfit, and other stuff)
3. Go out at least 5 times this week (Again, did great with this)
4. Eat as i should, and when i should, each day (Lunch is still a problem for me, and so is eating after 8:00. This is something i really want to work on)
5. Take my meds when i should and as i should each day (Lunch meds are still a problem for me. This is something i need to work on)
6. Go to aquafit at least 3 times this week (Done!!!!!!!!!)
7. Book 4 reflexology sessions for next week (didn't book any sessions for this coming week. Still have my regular one with E, and am hoping to figure out time for D and now G)
8. Go to all my and the MIT's appointments for the week (went to all, except my doctor's appointment, but that was because she cancelled)

Basically my goals are the same for this week. i really need to get them down as habits before i can add to them, or alter them. i am really proud of going to waterfit 3 times this week. i am hoping to do more the next coming week. The exercise really does help me feel better, and more in control. i also enjoy spending time in the water.

OK, goals for this week.

1. Have 5 showers this week
2. Get dressed 5 times this week
3. Go out at least 5 times this week
   Eat as i should, and when i should, each day
4. Take my meds when i should and as i should each day
   Go to aquafit at least 3 times this week
5. Book 4 reflexology sessions for next week
6. Go to all my appointments for the week

Well, i guess that is it. Here is to meeting my goals.

Not ready for Today

Today is therapy day. i don't want to go. i didn't like how i was after therapy last week, and i don't want to feel like that again this week. So, i just don't want to go. i am hoping that going to waterfit this morning will help. i am hoping that getting that endorphine rush from the exercise will help me better cope later in the day.

i didn't go to waterfit last night as i had planned. i got a massive headache (re: migraine) with the pressure changes in the atmosphere. i had gone on Tuesday and on Wednesday. i am quite proud of that. i am definitly going today. i do not like that i missed going last night.

i am thinking of stopping at the doctor's today to weigh myself. i don't have an appointment with her this week, and was wondering how all this exercising is reacting with my body. i know that if i exercise to much, and don't eat enough calories, that my weight can go up (it goes into starvation mode). i am hoping i am having enough calories. i just want to see how the scale reflects what i am doing.

The MIT and i are having a Mommy and MIT weekend. Tomorrow He wants to watch the rest of the "Beverly Hills 90210" season He got for His birthday. That should take up quite a bit of time. i want to go to St. Jacobs, just because i haven't been there in a while. i also want to check out different stores around here to see if i can find the recliner i want for my reflexology, and avoid ordering online. Mostly, i want to find an event to take the MIT to, so we can enjoy some outside time together. Maybe the weather will agree with that, and maybe i can find something.

Man, i really don't want to go to therapy today. i don't want to visit my feelings and emotions. i don't want to (this is me whining like a 3 year old). Definitly waterfit is in order. i still don't want to feel anything. my body is still arguing with this choice. At least my house is clean because of it.

I did it!!!!

i made it out of the house yesterday to do my running around. i actually breathed my way threw the entire trip. Definite panic attack during the entire time. But i made it out of the house. i went and got stuff from the grocery store, and i went to the pharmacy. i then treated myself to going and looking for a new bathing suit. Not a good time at that. i just couldn't find anything i liked. i did look at the other clothes in the store, but couldn't find anything i liked.

i even went to waterfit (formerly aquafit) with E last night. i am glad i did. It is nice to go and to play in the water, and to feel that i am progressing in at least my ability to do the exercises. i also felt what not being able to do the waterfit for 5 days and then going back feels like. Today i am a little stiff and have some pain in my hamstring. No big deal. The best part is the energy feel afterwards.

Today i have somethings i HAVE to do, and other things i want to do. i have to fill out more forms to get funding for a wheelchair van. i have to make sure i have eggs in my house for the MIT's dinner. i want to, and am going to, go to waterfit. After that, i will be driving E's daughter to the doctor's. Later in the evening, i will be driving E's cat to the vet, and then doing another reflexology session tonight. Since i have decided to actually do this, i am quite excited about how many i am getting done.

This weekend i get to have the MIT all to myself. He is not going to my parent's place. i am thinking of stuff to do with Him. i am actually going to enjoy the time with Him. It is something i am coming to like more and more.

Getting out the door

i know i should go out. Heck, i need to get some stuff before the MIT gets home. i need to go to the store and get laundry detergent so the MIT has clean uniforms for tomorrow. i need to go to the drug store for myself. i should be able to get out the door, but i almost can't. Even now i feel the build-up of the stress of just picking out clothes, and walking out the door. i haven't had a panic attack in a while, but it is almost like i am starting one now. So i have to find it in myself to push myself enough to just get my ass out the door. i need to fix my hair, get on real clothes and head out the door. i have to push myself, but it isn't working. i have been planning it for the last 2 hours. Knowing it for the last 2 hours. i have a list of what i have to get. i have the knowledge of what i need to do. i am still sitting here not moving. Not going to get dressed. Not brushing my hair. Just sitting here. Heck, my brain is even planning how i don't have to go out now. i just have to do stuff "later". i know that if i don't go out now, i won't be able to make myself go out later. i won't be able to make myself go to aquafit. i will come up with another excuse to just not go. i know i need to go. i know i need to leave the house. So how do i make myself do it?

OK. Logic might work. Putting one foot in front of the other and do what i have to do. That is all i need to do. Just get up from this machine and do what i have to do, to make myself presentable to the public, and get in my van and do my running around. That is all. So that is what i am going to do. Deep breaths. Just do it (Gods i hate Nike). Just move my ass and get going. Once i jump this hurdle, i will be good. i will be able to continue my day and my week. i know that. So that i s all i have to do. OK. This is me doing it.

Thoughts that keep entering my brain

"what if Mike was still here? What would things be like?"
"am i better off since Mike died?
"do i really miss Him?"
"would certain people still be in my life if He was here? Would other people not be in my life if He was still here?"
"if i had been allowed in His apartment after He died, what would i have picked to keep to remind me of all our time together?"
"why can't i have pictures of Him from when He was a child?"
"why didn't i stay online with Him even though the MIT was coming home?"
"why didn't i know something was wrong with Him when we were talking?"
"could i have stopped His death if i had seen Him having a problem by calling 911?"

Despite my attempts not to feel certain things, my brain is fighting me. It keeps bringing up thoughts and questions. A lot of questions. i don't like all the questions. i definitely don't like it that my brain seems to be betraying me. At least my feelings haven't been betraying me. i don't feel anything much when these questions come up. i do seem to clean a lot more when the questions pop into my head. Cleaning is better than feeling. Feeling hurts to much right now, and i can't seem to get out of it once it starts. i feel swallowed up by it. Some would say i allow the feelings to swallow me up, and that i allow them to have so much power over me. i don't really care. All i know is that when i start to feel, i can't stop. i loose myself in the feelings. Even now, what came out on Thursday is still on the brink of swallowing me up again. i could so easily just crawl into my hole and stay there. i could so easily just keep the MIT home and not worry about having to make myself get out of bed. It isn't like the MIT would starve (so Sandy pointed out). He knows how to use a phone and call my Sis, or my Mom, if i won't get out of bed or feed Him. Yeah, like i can let that happen. my Mom would never let me live it down. It isn't like she has let me live anything else down. So i push the feelings away. my body still doesn't like that i am doing it. Still getting sick at night, or right after i have almost built back up my little dam. The question on if i am better off since Mike died is a big one for me. It is like i am doubting my relationship with Him. Why doubt it now? Why does it sound like a betrayal to our relationship with these thoughts? It isn't like i can turn back time and change everything just to see if i would be better off if He was still here. It is fruitless to examine these questions. What has happened, happened. It is more important that i continue from here. Emotions are things i don't want right now. They cloud my ability to function. They are irritatingly crippling. Stuffing them behind my little dam is more productive. i can function better without them. Hell, at least i can function.

Today i am going to aquafit with E. i have missed going. Aquafit helped me center more last week. i am going to allow that to happen this week. i need to keep functioning. Once at aquafit, i can stop thinking about anything. i can concentrate on what my body needs to do, to follow along. i can concentrate on the people in the pool. i can concentrate on anything but the stupid questions. i am going to fit in as many aquafits as i can this week. i like how i am when i am doing them. i like how i am after i do participate. i like the stiffness of my muscles, the slight pain i sometimes get. It helps to block out the emotion.

So, for the last time this week, i am going to go and hide for a while. i don't have anything i really need to get done. i am going to go and lie down and sleep. Sleep and enjoy the quiet. Maybe even read and enjoy the quiet. Quiet i can handle, as long as my brain doesn't start with all the questions again.

Easter Monday

Due to the holiday, today is a Mommy and MIT day. We are going to be doing a bunch of stuff together. Yes there are a few things i have to get done, but it should be easy to figure out. Actually we already have figured out what it is we are doing.

First is getting the MIT breakfast at Tim Horton's, then me getting my meds. After that is getting some groceries, and then off to do what the MIT really wants to do. Heading out to spend the MIT's birthday money. We have planned to go to the used CD and DVD store. He has a list of things He wants to look for. It is quite a diverse list. After this miniscule amount of running around, i am sure the MIT will be sitting infront of His portable DVD player and keeping Himself busy.

i have found over the last few days, that i have been missing aquafit. It gives me a jolt of energy that i need to keep my mind on stuff i want. The last few days have been spent with me "hiding". i didn't go to the munch on Thursday. i didn't leave the house on Friday. i didn't go to E's place after giving L a reflexology treatment. i have been hiding again. i hate it when i act like this. Wallowing in sorrow. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. At least today i won't be doing that so much. Leaving the house is a good step. i haven't left the house since therapy on Thursday. Well, yesterday i went to my parent's place for dinner. Other than that, i have been at home, quiet, and wallowing. i need a new book.

This is really feeling disjointed. Time to spend the morning with the MIT running around.

Goals for April 7-13

Today is setting goals day. Well, setting goals and reviewing the goals i set last week.

Review -

1. i had way more than 4 showers this week, and intend to keep that up.
2. i got dressed every day this week, except for today.
3. i have gone out more than 4 times this week. Very proud.
4. my eating when i should has been much better than in the past couple of months.
5. i have been taking my meds pretty well. Still having a problem with my evening meals and some of my lunch meals, but i am working on it.
6. i did aquafit 3 times this week (WOW). i am really proud of that. i am also confident in repeating the same thing this coming week, if not exceeding it.
7. i only set up 2 reflexology session for the coming week. i need to increase that quite a bit.
8. Moisturizing has not been one of my priorities this week.

So i had a pretty good week. Sure i am not enjoying many emotions right now, but i am getting a lot of stuff done. i have cleaned the living room. i have cleaned my bedroom. i have done all the laundry and put it away. i am even planning on doing dishes tonight, and some more laundry. At least i am directing my energy into productive things. i even filed my income tax today. my kitchen table is all cleaned off. The living room has been vacuum, and the MIT and i have had a really good day.

So i guess it is time to set goals for this coming week

1. Have 5 showers this week
2. Get dressed 5 times this week
3. Go out at least 5 times this week
4. Eat as i should, and when i should, each day
5. Take my meds when i should and as i should each day
6. Go to aquafit at least 3 times this week
7. Book 4 reflexology sessions for next week
8. Go to all my and the MIT's appointments for the week

Well, i think that once i get those in order, i can start to take ones that are solid and replace them with new behaviour. They say it takes 6 weeks to do something enough times to make it a subconscious habit. i have almost a year of not doing most of this drilled into my brain. Trying to rebalance things is hard, but i want to be normal-ish. Yeah i know, who defines normal? Well right now, being able to get up, get a shower, get dressed and go out is what i define as normal.

Ok, so those are my goals for this week. i guess that is all.

Breaks in the Damn

Yesterday was therapy. i got nothing else done. i went to therapy and those shields i had put up to protect myself from feeling crumbled a little.

i walked in all "high and mighty" and didn't expect much from the session, since i gave up wanting to feel for the next while. It took 1/2 hour for Sandy to as fro consent to push me. i told her that i consented to her doing what she thought was right. Then i told her i was consenting to non-consensual therapy. i told her that i knew that she wasn't trying to break me, but to help me reach my long term goal (which i think i have actually figured out), knowing that my short term goal goes totally against that.

i kept trying to change subjects on her. We actually got quite animated in the way we were talking. She would acknowledge my trying to change subjects, i would acknowledge her bringing me back to subject. She would ask tough questions. i would avoid them at first and then acknowledge that i was doing it. She would acknowledge me bringing me back to where we were.

i guess most would say it was a good session. If i wasn't so wanting not to feel, that i didn't. i got crying. i got scared. She has yet to push me to the point of being angry. (although she is trying because i gave her permission to do so). i came home feeling broken. Feeling like i couldn't close those walls back up. i felt sad and missing and tired. i cancelled the rest of my day. i went into my room and hid. i let all those emotions run over my. i let them take hold. Sandy would say i was mindful of what i was feeling and letting the wave roll over me. All i could feel was lost.

i am better this morning. By better, i mean the wall is back up. i am back to how i was before i left. Sandy would say that it proves her point. That my fear of the grief and sadness won't swallow me up, and that i can be ok when those emotions are hitting me full force. But that isn't completely true. i started building the walls back up as soon as the feeling started to come out. Sandy could see me starting to build it as we sat there. She watched me count off my responsibilities as i breathed. She watched me get logical and try to pull away from the emotions.

So, since i let myself go so much last night, i have a mess of dishes to clean (yes i binged). i also have a bunch of stuff on a table i want to clean off, some laundry to do, a living room to tidy, and stuff to take into the basement. If i think of what i need to get done, i can hide behind it and just keep doing what i need to do, to feel like i can survive.

Therapy this morning

Yesterday i had a pretty good "To Do" list. i got only a few things on it done.

1. i went to aquafit....all by myself!!!!!!! i am so proud of myself in going. i am also going to miss not going today or tomorrow. i have actually started looking forward to it.

2. i got all my reflexology stuff in order, and did another foot procedure. i only have 57 procedures to do before my final practical exam. i still have to book my written midterm, and then later, my final midterm. i also still have to do my practical midterm (i can do that after another 17 procedures). i now "again" have a standing appointment with E every Wednesday night. i am going to soon be getting her to help me test. i am going to have her follow the procedure along and ask me questions, and even make sure i am doing all the stuff i am supposed to.

3. i slept in my bed last night. i did not sleep between the two big blue blankies. i slept under regular covers, like a normal person would. No more sleeping on the covers for me.

Today is my therapy day. i have to go today, since Friday is a holiday. i am not ready to do this today. Everything is so close to the surface, and i am trying so hard not to let it all explode out of me. There are just so many emotions coming, that i am holding back on, that if i let them explode, i am scared of being drowned in them. So, i block them. Hold them in and do things like not watch TV all day, just read, clean, and think of anything except what i am feeling.

Also today is the pot luck my family would go to. my whole family, including Mike. Tonight would also be our night alone together before He headed off to His other home. i am avoiding all of that by going to the Hamilton Munch tonight. The MIT will be going with my parents and Sis. Just not me. i just can't go and keep my emotions in check. Like i said, my emotions are all on the surface.

This weekend, i may have more plans than i thought. So far, i have a reflexology session planned (L is coming here). There is talk that there be more going on this weekend. i will see how it goes.

Well, time to get the MIT off to school. Right after that, i have to get all the garbage out. Then off to shower and get dressed, and leave for therapy. After that, i don't know how i will feel. i am thinking i will need a nap. Off i go

To Do list for April 4th

Ok, here is what i want to get done today

MIT goes to school
fold and put laundry away
clean out the van
call in refills of meds
go pickup people
go to aquafit
drop off people
pickup meds
come home
have lunch
finish folding and putting laundry away
MIT comes home
pack reflexology bag
nurse arrives
go to E's

OK, i think that is about it. i also think it is in a good order for me to get it done. So, that is the plan as of right now. Something will change, but i will get everything done before i go to bed tonight.

April 4th (cause i don't really have a title)

So it is day 5 of my week. So far, i have gone to aquafit 2 times, and am going again today. So far i have been out every day. So far i have had a shower every day. So far i have completed the To Do list of Monday. So far i have eaten well, and healthy every day. So far, i have "booked" 2 reflexology sessions for the coming week (plus i am doing one tonight).

So yeah, this is me proud of me.

i am seeing progress during aquafit. i am getting more flexible. my hamstring doesn't hurt as much. i am taking the aquafit seriously. Heck E and i hardly talk during it anymore. (look at me talking like i have been doing it forever) Last night i even looked forward to going.

i have decided that with my income tax i am going to get my chair for reflexology. i will be calling my teacher on Tuesday to set up a date for my midterm written exam. This is something i am going to make a go of. Yes there will be benefits for my friends, and i will be able to exchange services with different friends. That is only part of the reason why i am making a go of this. Mainly it is that i enjoy reflexology, and i know i am good at it, and improving every time i do it.

The MIT fell this morning. He now has a bump on His head, and a mark on His nose, and is hurting a bit. He is still going to school today (even though he doesn't want to), just with "badges" from this morning.

i am thinking i need a list today. i am feeling like there is more for me to do, than i thought.

Planning a Monday

It is just after 6:30, and i am tired. All i want to do is go back to sleep. i can even picture how i can manage it. i could go back to sleep for an hour or so. i could then begin my day later. Unfortunately i can't do that. i have stuff i have got to get done.

i have to get smokes
i have to get gas
i have to get groceries
i have aquafit i want to do
i have phone calls i need to make

There is no way i can just crawl back into bed once the MIT goes to school. i have to much to get done, never mind the fact that being out of smokes would drive me nuts (i am down to 16). Guess i just have to buck it up and make sure i don't stop moving. i need a plan.

1. MIT goes to school (done)
2. get a shower and get dressed (done)
3. go to Fortinos (get breakfast stuff and fruit for me)
4. go get smokes (drive out to the reserve) (done)
5. come back to home (done)
6. put groceries and stuff away
7. put suit on under clothes
8. pack bag for aquafit
9. go pick-up people for aquafit
10. go to aquafit
11. drop everyone off
12. come home
13. make phone calls
14. finally lie down and nap
15. MIT comes home
16. entertain MIT all night long

OK, so that is my plan of action today. It is the only way to make sure i get everything done. It is the only way i can keep my head on track. Maybe i will start doing a weekly "To Do" list like E does. It is a way to keep track of everything, and a way to be responsible to myself. And heck, this is my journal. It may get boring for some people, but it could help me a lot. i will think on that for a bit. Not sure if i want to put that out into the world. "think, think, think"

Ok, time to help the MIT study something He already knows.