Why tonight?

Why am i missing Him so much tonight? Why are tears running down my face? Why tonight? There is no trigger. Nothing happened differently today. So why tonight? i feel so empty. i feel so alone. i miss Him so completely tonight. i want Him here. i want to be held by Him. i want to smell Him. i want to hear His voice. God i can't even remember what He sounded like. Why this rush of sadness? Why these tears? Why this panic that nothing will work out for me? Why this feeling that i will continue to be alone? i was His damn it. i belonged. i was owned. i was loved. i feel like nothing tonight. i feel empty and alone. i feel like no one will ever want me. i feel like i am set adrift without anyone to catch me. With Him, He would always catch me. There is no one to catch me. No one to want and desire me. No one will ever want me again. i am tainted because i was His. Not in a bad way, but He put on such a front for everyone, that He is hard to live up to. Even in my head. i want Him here so badly. i want to feel His arms around me. i don't want to sleep alone anymore. i don't want to be alone anymore. God i want Him back. i want His collar. i want His love. i want Him. i need Him. But why tonight? Why all this emotion tonight? i just don't understand. i don't know why tonight.