That is what i told my therapist i want. A different view than the face of the cliff staring back at me. i either want to climb up and see if there is a tree and grass at the top of the cliff, or let go and look at the sky as i fall. That is how i feel.
Stuck, hanging by my fingernails, dangling over a vast hole. Arms getting tired. Shoulders getting pulled apart. Legs dangling in the air. It is tiring being like this. Mentally, nothing to look at except dirt and roots and rocks. No sunshine. No joy. No changes. Physically my body is just holding on. The pain keeping me awake. Making my head hurt. Making everything hurt.
i am ready to just let go. i am tired of hanging on so hard. i am tired of struggling to climb. i am just plain tired.
She said she understands. She says it won't always be like this. She has been saying that for 3 years. She is worried. my doctor is worried. Hell, i am starting to worry.
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