Normally i would have been at the hospice the last two mornings. Normally i would be coaxing D to eat breakfast, then lunch. We had started watching DVD's together. We had planned to watch Prince Caspian this week. She was looking forward to Eggs Benedict on Wednesday. Maybe i will make it for myself, in her honour.
Instead of that, i am helping where i can with the arrangements. i am in contact with someone about the memorial candle. i will be picking it up on Friday. i have to pick out an outfit D would like, and would be appropriate to be seen by her family. i don't have the money to get something new, so it is time to search the closet again. What i wear on Sunday will be different on Monday. Monday will be piles of clothes. Sunday will be for and inside affair.
i have made arrangements for the MIT's care while i am at the services. He isn't ready to admit it has happened. 3 deaths in less than a month, for him, is too many. He is having a hard time wrapping His head around it. He will say goodbye in His own way, eventually.
me? i will grieve as it comes. i am finding the grief of loosing Mike has gotten stronger, as the grief of loosing D is hitting me. i am scheduling my grieving time for when the MIT isn't here. Tonight i will be cooking for myself, and lying in bed, reading the book i was going to read to D. Candles will be lit. i will be wrapping myself up in her shawl. i will probably cry. i will allow myself to feel what i need to feel.
2 comments:
thinking of you ~
PM
you're very wise; too often, particularly in North American society do we try to sublimate grief, deny it - we must allow ourselves to feel it before we can learn to deal with it.
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