Falling further and further down the rabit hole

It is a really bad day. Really bad. i am so not wanting to face anything. i want to be drunk, or drugged, or anything so i can stop thinking. i don't want to be remembering. i don't want to be feeling this bad inside. i want to feel something else. Anything else. i want to be able to feel some joy. i need to feel something. Anything. God this grief is overwhelming. i just want the grief to go away for a while. i just want to feel anything else for a while.