Feeling a bit more normal

i have slept. i slept most of Friday (after the boxing day shopping). i slept most of Saturday. i slept in this morning. The wind and falling things work me up. Seems Ham is having an extreme wind warning this morning. Shingles are flying off my house. The noise is disturbing.

P is better. He had His appendix taken out. It had slightly ruptured. He is still in the hospital, but E is hoping He will be out today. It all depends on how much antibiotics the doctors want Him to have.

The MIT is well. He is enjoying staying in His room and watching His new DVD's. He is at Mom and Dad's right now, and won't be back until tonight. Until then, i will be enjoying the quiet of the house and being able to lie down and sleep when i need.

i am back to taking my meds more regularly. i am not back to perfect, but it is better than nothing. All the junk food in the house is helping me keep in mind just how much i want protein. i have no left over turkey. i can't find anything in the house to fix the cravings. Today i am going to the store to get what i need and make a bunch of dishes so i can have protein fixes this week. It will help counter the chocolate i have.

i am still not out of the depressing. i am still wallowing in it. Still not having anything to keep me here. Still not sure why i am still here. A few days of sleep hasn't helped. i don't know what will help. The increase in the clonazepan is only making me more sleepy. i guess my mood has more balanced. i am still not feeling anything. That is the part that sucks. No tears. No anger. No joy. i just feel like nothing right now.

So, the tentative plan for today is to shower and dress. Go to Fortinos for bread. Go to M&M's for apple butter pork tenderloin. Go to Food Basics for cheap pop. Maybe drop the stuff off at E's. Maybe hit White Flame and use up my gift certificate from my Sis. The shower is desperately needed. The bread is desperately needed. The pork tenderloin is needed for protein. the pop is what is sustaining me.

i don't know what else to say. One day at a time i guess