Finally over

i am happy to report that yesterday is over. i survived. i am still in the same mood as i was before it all started. Depressed. Wanting to hide. Tired. The doctor had increased one of my drugs, and it seems to be helping. Well, helping the panic attacks. It makes me more tired, and just more of the not caring. At least i was calm.

Eve - The MIT went to church with my Mom and Dad. He chose to dress up. He wore the red dress shirt that L&D had given Him last year. He chose to wear black pants (not green) and he chose to wear a Christmas tie. Once He left, i had to force myself into wrapping gifts. i just couldn't find it in me to actually want to do it. i had to do it. i needed to get it done. So i did. grudgingly. i put on a happy face, setting up the cookies, eggnog, and carrots for Santa's visit. (yes my 16 year old still believes. i am a lucky Mom). After the MIT went to bed, i actually wrapped and set-up under the tree, and hung the stockings with care. i finally made it to bed about 2am

Day - i do didn't want to do this. i put off the MIT about opening gifts. He had woken at 4, and i kept Him from hitting the living room until 6:00. We opened gifts together. i took pictures. He took pictures. He totally enjoyed the fact that Santa stole a hedgehog from me. He loved the fact that we found a carrot outside partially eaten. It was a good time. Santa out shone me on one gift. It was fun playing that up. The MIT left for church, dressed in His regular red and green. i was supposed to wrap 2 family gifts. i was supposed to start on the turkey. i had no aluminum wrap. No starting the turkey for me. i went back to sleep. i got a call from my Mom telling me to get up, and get moving on preparing the turkey and having a shower. Eventually i did just that. They all showed up at noon. Food, aluminum wrap, and presents all in toe. i wrapped up the turkey and put it in the oven, hoping 4 hours was good enough.

It was present time. i had Sis wrap Mom's gift, and also her own, since i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i got stuff. Sis got stuff. Dad got stuff. Mom got stuff. Nana and Auntie showed up, and more gifts were exchanged. Mom eventually sent me to bed once Nana, Auntie and Sis had to leave. i got to sleep for an hour. When i got up, the turkey was done. It literally fell apart when i moved it from the roasting pan to the plate. Wings, legs, and 1/2 the carcass fell off. i guess i did really good. From that point, Mom and Dad took over the dinner, and i got to just lie in front of the TV and relax. Overall, it was a good day. i survived. i made it. i lived through it. All good, i guess.

Boxing day - Today the MIT is already watching 2 new DVD's. i am sitting here typing on the computer with the NCIS marathon is on in the background. i get to go out with my Mom shopping, while the MIT and Dad get to spend quiet time together. i have adivan packed to deal with humans and Mom's driving. This is not going to be fun.

E just called. P is in the hospital. They don't know what is wrong with Him. He is out of emergency, and now in a room. K&B are here to help, and also because K is P's next of kin. An ultra sound is scheduled. That is a wait and see issue. E is going to call me later, to either talk, or as me to help out. i am on standby, and am happy with it. i help where i can, and do what i can, when she and He need me. i may be taking care of the kids. i may be driving E to the hospital to visit P. i may even be driving B back to TO. i am prepared to do whatever is needed.

i will also be spending as much time with D as i can. Without P, E can't get there. i will be taking that responsibility over. Not a problem for me. i can handle it. i will just be leaving the MIT home when i go over. i can't have Him going full blown at the hospice again.

So that is my recap. That is my plan, of sorts. That is how my life, which is intertwined with my friends' lives, will be going for the next little while. At least i have a purpose for now. Purpose keeps me here. Purpose and responsibility are the only things keeping me here.