i have been feeling broken since the 12th. That was the date of my last therapy session. i said things out loud, i had been protecting myself from feeling. All this week i have felt like i was split apart in many different pieces. i have hidden in my room, wearing only pajamas all week. Even going out to the store i have worn pajamas. i have been crying at the drop of a hat. i have cancelled going out to stuff. i have curled up in the dark, listening to nothing, drinking hot chocolate. i have sat on my bed, surrounded by covers and pillows and stuffed things, colouring. i have been working on puzzles and trying to piece them together. Today is therapy again, and i am not looking forward to it.
i am worried about feeling more broken and in more pieces. It makes me feel out of control (and not in the good way). i don't know if i can handle another week of feeling like this. i want all the sad to go away. i want all the hurt to go away. i want to be able to look forward to waking up again. i want to feel in control again. i want to stop crying for no reason. (ok, so there is a reason, but shouldn't i be over it by now?) i don't want to post or feel only sad things. i want to feel some joy again.
i am going to post a second entry in a minute, trying to post positive things about this past week or so. i want to post positive thoughts and maybe a fantasy or something that isn't so sad and weak.
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