Well, as the title suggests, this post is about Saturday night. The night i actually went out to a play party. Yes i actually did go to the party. Yes i did have fun. Yes i did get played with. Yes i had a good time. Yes i am proud of myself for going.
my only issues was after the play. i ended up going home right after. It wasn't any body's fault. i just was looking for Mike after. i was looking for Him to put His hand around my face. To press my face into His hand and feel and smell His skin holding the breath from my lungs. Yes i dropped. i think that was part of the problem. i felt the need for Him to be there. He wasn't there.
i know it is something i need to get used to. i know it will take time. i am not giving up on me. i just know i couldn't hang around there any longer, waiting for Him to come up to me and make sure i was ok, or watch over me, or keep me from breathing, or rub my ass and enjoy how warm it was. i just couldn't stay there feeling like that. So i came home. i squeezed my face into His pillow. i wrapped my arms around Splotchy. i cried because i miss Him. And then i went to sleep.
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