On the day and on time

Today was not such a good day.  So many things were happening.  Most were just in my head.  Doesn't matter, it was still too much.

TJ was full blown most of today.  That is stressful enough.  Add in his shallow breathing, and his not having any "grownup" doctors and not knowing what hospital they would take him to, if I had to call 911.  Add not having guardianship.  Add dishes filling my sink.  Add financial stuff.  All equals an overwhelmed me. 

I called my Mom for help, when I was at my worst.  Problem is, I haven't gotten much better.  I didn't do any of the yucky behaviour.  I even turned away food (food I shouldn't have).  Even now, I am feeling like nothing is going right.  Just feel like everything, and I mean everything, is on my shoulders. 

Right now I am sitting here, crying for no reason.  Crying because...hell, I don't even know why.  Just plain crying.  I guess it is a buildup of emotions that I have no control over.  Maybe I shouldn't have any control over them.  Maybe I should just let them out.  Maybe that will help.

Doesn't matter now.  Time to go to bed.