Friday was good, and not so good. Good was the way TJ and I interacted and played and joked and just enjoyed each other. Good was Joseph coming for the weekend, eating home BBQed ribs and going for a drive.
Not so good was telling Sandy what happened to me when I was around 17 years old. It had been my homework from Karen. I did as I was asked. I got lost in time as I was talking to Sandy. I did a lot of talking and crying. Sandy got into the "why" I would have felt like I did. How could I answer that? I still don't know why I thought I deserved to be treated so badly or why I still question if I deserve to be treated nicely. I couldn't answer all that. I wanted to just run away after telling her all about it. I felt shame and yucky.
What I am proud of is I didn't do any of the maladaptive behaviour. I did not yell at TJ at all. I did not take any extra meds. I did not stuff my face with chocolate. I did not do anything that would hurt me in any way. I am very proud of myself that I found other ways to deal with the panic and stress I was feeling. Heck, I even watched Dr. Oz. I never watch that show. Guess what they were talking about. Stress.
Over all, Friday was good. One little blip, but that will turn out good soon too. For the rest of the weekend, I am going to be spending time with Joseph and relaxing and enjoying being cooked for, and having the dishes done.
We are off for a drive. Bye until Sunday night.
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