Up early in the morning

Since I was up, and I just realized I hadn't done an entry for yesterday, I thought now would be a good time.

Yesterday was good.  I went to the doctor, for my usual bi-weekly appointment.  Blood pressure, very good.  Weight, down a bit.  Back pain, new drugs.  Other than that, all is good with my body.  Just wish my back pain would go away.

TJ and I had a good day.  Quiet times around the house.  If I felt my temper or voice rising, I would take a deep breath and make things playful.  Changed channels on him just because.  Made my voice and what we were doing into a joke.  I kept things light and ended up not yelling at him at all. 

Then, as I was getting ready for bed, my anxiety rose.  Today I am supposed to tell Sandy about the PTSD symptoms, and tell her the incident that caused them.  I am not looking forward to that.  I feel that it is one of the reasons I am up at this time of day. 

So, to keep calm, and not panic, I am doing a load of laundry so TJ has clothes for when he goes to Rygiel House this weekend.  I am taking naps, so I am not so tired.  I am planning my courses of action for today so when the anxiety rises, I don't do any of my maladaptive behaviour.  This is called IMPROVE the moment.

IMPROVE stands for

Imagery - imagine hurtful emotions draining out of you like water out of a pipe as you breath deeply

Meaning - fine the purpose in this pain, like telling Sandy so we can treat the symptoms

Prayer - go outside and commune with nature works with me.  Opening myself up by asking the Goddess and God to help bear the pain

Relaxation - having a cup of herbal tea and breathing deeply when ever I get the chance.  Breath while in the shower or out back.  Relax my muscles in the shower.

One thing in the moment - focus on what I am doing while I am doing it.  Be mindful of what I am doing.  Don't start thinking of what I am going to speak to Sandy about

Vacation - take mini breaks like going out back and reading (my oasis).

Encourage - cheer myself on with telling myself that I can do this.  I lived this physically, it is now time to live it out loud.  Make a plan and tell myself how good of a plan it is and that it will all work out.

So, for me herbal tea in the morning instead of caffine (caffine raises anxiety).  Taking time outs and going out back for a breather (waiting 1 min before having a smoke).  Putting laundry away.  Packing TJ's bags and wheelchair up, for when he goes to Rygiel.  Telling my self that I can do this without anything extra in my system (sugar, pills, etc).  Going out back to read. Maybe do my nails while Sis is here. 

So that is what I am going to do later today.  Time to change over the laundry and go back to bed for a few hours.