Mike and Me - Sat, 23 Jul 2005

how can i explain to you and get you to understand how tiring it is being "on" all the time. When you are done work, you get to leave there and go to your place to concentrate on the computer and do only stuff you want. You get to excape TJ and go down to your place when you feel overwhelmed by it all. You can almost always escape to find a quiet peace without much work. Heck, you can even escape work by going to lunch. Even right now, you are at your place, picking up your laundry. You are also online, escaping from being with me and TJ. i don't get that luxery. When i am done work, i get to come down to your place and anticipate what you want/need/will do. When i want to escape from TJ, i can't. i have to work hard to find the time to get the quiet. i have to find someone to care for TJ. i have to be comfortable enough with that person that i don't feel like i am always oncall. i have to make sure that whatever it is i do, i will be ontime for when my quiet time is over. Even then, i usually have stuff that has to get done. Laundry, groceries, cleaning...something is always there that i have to do, because i am a mom and i am wendy. i am tired alot, i know that. i just need to know how i am supposed to get untired? When exactly will i get the time to get untired? i don't have that option. When i go to my room, when it is only TJ and i, TJ will always want something. It could be a glass of juice or pop, or it could be food, or it could be that he wants cuddles. When you are here and i go to my room, you need the reasurance that i am ok. i go outside, and someone has to follow me, or i have to be ready to answer the phone or come in when someone wants my attention. Even going to the bathroom means i will have to answer if i am ok when i come out. So again i ask. When am i supposed to get untired?