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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Feeling out of sorts

i am having a weird day.  i feel lost and can't concentrate on anything.  i see stuff around my house i should be doing, but can't find the sense to actually do it.  Plants that need watering.  Laundry that needs to be put away.  Vacuuming needing to be done.  Dusting that has been neglected for a while.  Odds and ends that are just lying around.  Then there is the paperwork that needs to be done.  i am feeling anxious but stuck.  i have the munchies but am not hungry, and have no desire to actually cook.  It is like so much around me is out of control, that i can't find my control. 


The Nascar race is about to start and i don't even feel like sitting and watching it.  i don't want to go out for a drive.  i don't want to go to the store for anything.  i have projects in my head, but no desire to even start them. 


Ok, so, how to get more in control of things.  Turn on the lights.  Get some feeling of daytime in here.  Make a list.  i am good with lists.  Figure out what is important to me to get done in the next 4 hours before the MIT comes home. 


i just want to feel in control again.  i just want some little part of my house to be clean and organized and feel like i can actually relax and not just avoid.  i have been avoiding this place too much.  i have been avoiding sleeping under my covers, in my bed for too long.  i have been avoiding cleaning for fear of what i might find.  i have been avoiding of the idea that i will be cleaning Him out of the house.   i have been avoiding how i feel so much, and i think it is catching up with me again.  i hate feeling like this.


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