Productivity

Yesterday was a very productive day.  i cleaned house for a special family.  i looked after 2 wonderful girls for 2 hours.  i packed and ate a nutritious lunch.  It was great.  i also learned a lesson.  On Thursdays i need to also pack a light dinner or else i will get home over hungry and eat everything i can find.  Other than that, not a problem in the world. 

i like feeling productive.  i like being able to get stuff done and do it in a way i am proud of it and see a finished product.  Here, when i clean, i just see the MIT messing it up as soon as i do it.  That feels like such a downer.  There, i don't have to see the mess start as soon as people walk in the house.  There i also know that the cleaning is appreciated.  Here, well, it doesn't really matter to the MIT.  He doesn't care if He lives in a mess.  He isn't so appreciative. 

Today is school and therapy.  School i am not looking forward to.  Not today anyways.  i want to run the whole foot procedure that we have learned to date.  Not just the warm-up and then the new techniques.  It just doesn't flow right, and i need to feel the flow to know i am doing it well.  Maybe i will ask some people if i can practice on them this weekend.  That might help. 

On top of that, we are doing a review on Monday.  Reviewing of all the book stuff.  i don't feel i have a grasp on it all.  i feel like i have been skating threw each chapter.  i don't think i have retained any of what i have read.  i guess all i can do is re-read all the chapters and try to hammer it into my head.  We'll see how it goes.

Therapy is not something i ever look forward to.  There always seems to be one more thing i need to learn, get past, work on, without looking at how i have been doing with the last set of assignments.  Again, it feels like i can't grasp it all together.  i can get one set of things (plan something good after therapy), and add another (asking for help from people), but can't put the two things together. 

All in all, i guess i am feeling like i am floundering.  Like i am trying to keep my head above water but keep getting dragged down at every turn.  At least i have little things that i am proud of this week. 

i am proud of being able to find and get the watch i wanted/needed.  i am proud of being able to eat somewhat healthy and take my meds when i am supposed to.  i am proud i am checking my blood sugars more frequently.  i am proud i lost a pound.  i am proud i cleaned my house.  i am proud i knew when i was passed my limit of dealing with things and went home without pushing myself into an anxiety attack.  i am proud of making a plan each day, and proud that i can follow most of it.  i am proud of waking up each morning.  i am proud of keeping up with the laundry.  i am proud that my kitchen isn't being run over by dishes.  i am proud i got all my garbage and recycling out yesterday.  i am proud i haven't snapped at the MIT as often lately.  i am proud of working for money at something that makes me feel good.  i am proud i haven't stopped going to therapy. 

i guess things aren't all that bad.

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